The "F" Word

Let me tell you something about myself. I rarely use a curse word. In fact, it is kind of a joke among the people who know me best, how I don't swear or curse. When I do pop out with the occasional word, they will even laugh and say how cute I am.

The last time I was with my granddaughters we were having those serious conversations that seem to go on with children in the car. I don't know what it is about the car. Maybe it's the lack of intense eye contact or something, but when my sons were growing up, we had some of our deepest talks while driving along. And the same thing happens with my grandkids.

My younger granddaughter was talking about someone we all know, a woman, who has a potty mouth. She so badly wanted to say the words this person uses, but was refraining from doing so. I said, "I hope you girls will never talk like that. It's not ladylike." Just using the word ladylike made me wonder if I was channeling my own maternal grandmother, who was most definitely a lady. They both nodded seriously.

Yesterday at work a coworker who has a horrible attitude displayed her horrible attitude for the zillionth time. One of our managers was standing beside me, and after the coworker flounced away, I said quietly and calmly, "She is so f****** defensive. I'm so sick of it." His eyes got big, and it occurred to me that I had said the "f" word. I said, "I usually don't talk that way," and he laughed and said, "Yeah. That was really out of character for you."

And it was. I had no idea what I said until after I said it. But that is really how I feel about her, and the fact that I used an expletive means I feel really strongly about it. My boss said, "You can only take so much and then it just comes out." My coworker didn't hear me, by the way.

I have always treated this coworker with kindness and respect, because that is how I treat other people, regardless of how they behave. She and I are at the same level. If she was a person I supervised, we would have had a conversation long ago about her attitude. But it's not my place to say anything, unless I see it affecting customer service.

It sort of bothered me because I felt like I was out of control, this word just popping out my mouth without my really knowing what was happening. Perhaps subconsciously I have been wanting to speak to management about her, although everyone who works at the store knows what she is like. So I guess I got my chance, without really planning it that way.

Or maybe I just effing analyze everything too much.

Susan