"Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." Oscar Wilde
Christmas is my favorite holiday. I like my Christmases sparkly and festive and completely over the top. It's a time to become a little extravagant with the gifts and go a little overboard with the food and let people know how very much we love them.
She grew up in a home with an alcoholic father and a passive mother. With not much money and little effort on the part of either parent, she didn't have many happy Christmas memories. Except one. The best Christmas ever. Early one Christmas morning, her father became enraged and stormed out of the house and didn't return until after she was in bed that night. Just by leaving, that dad gave his little girl the best Christmas ever, a happy and peaceful day. Our lives instantly and magically improve when toxic people are removed from them.
I'm all for working on relationships and giving people the benefit of the doubt and second and third and fourth chances. And especially at the holidays, we want to include everyone we love. The thought of excluding someone at Christmas can make us feel as heartless as Ebenezer Scrooge himself. But some folks are so hurtful and so dysfunctional and so unwilling to change. It's then that the best present we can give ourselves is to draw a very hard line and put an end to their abuse.
A happy and peaceful Christmas day. That is something we all deserve.
Susan
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Home for the Holidays
"Be right, and then be easy to live with, if possible, but in that order." Ezra Taft Benson
The song tells us it's the most wonderful time of the year. Thanksgiving is tomorrow and Christmas is a month away. It should be the best of times, but for some families it is the worst of times. I was talking to a man who told me he had eight family members (in addition to himself and his wife) staying with him in their rather small home. He laughed and said that things were fine "so far." Not every family is something out of a Norman Rockwell painting, but really can't we all try to get along? For some, the obvious answer is no. Holidays seem to magnify what is the best and the worst in us. Thanksgiving and Christmas should be a time when we set aside our differences, if even just for the duration of a meal, and celebrate what truly is important in life.
The world will not come crashing down if you have cake instead of pie, or if you celebrate the holiday at someone else's home or even in a restaurant. Of course, family traditions are wonderful, but for some people my age, our inflexibility can make everyone miserable. So what are the holidays really all about anyway? What is really sacred? Friends and family and those who mean the world to us. Can't we all just get along?
Susan
The song tells us it's the most wonderful time of the year. Thanksgiving is tomorrow and Christmas is a month away. It should be the best of times, but for some families it is the worst of times. I was talking to a man who told me he had eight family members (in addition to himself and his wife) staying with him in their rather small home. He laughed and said that things were fine "so far." Not every family is something out of a Norman Rockwell painting, but really can't we all try to get along? For some, the obvious answer is no. Holidays seem to magnify what is the best and the worst in us. Thanksgiving and Christmas should be a time when we set aside our differences, if even just for the duration of a meal, and celebrate what truly is important in life.
The world will not come crashing down if you have cake instead of pie, or if you celebrate the holiday at someone else's home or even in a restaurant. Of course, family traditions are wonderful, but for some people my age, our inflexibility can make everyone miserable. So what are the holidays really all about anyway? What is really sacred? Friends and family and those who mean the world to us. Can't we all just get along?
Susan
Thursday, November 18, 2010
The Sweet Smell of Success
"It is the fight alone that pleases us, not the victory." Blaise Pascal
He is a self-made man. He has every reason to be arrogant, but he is not. With just a high school diploma and no family support, he started at the bottom rung of the ladder and worked his way up to become the president of the company. No one handed him anything; he earned it. He didn't sacrifice his family along the way as some do, either. Now retired, he and his wife of almost fifty years enjoy their life together. surrounded by good friends, children and grandchildren. He lives in a lovely home in one of the most beautiful places in the United States. I am delighted for him, because if anyone deserves to enjoy the fruits of his labor, it is this man. He is an inspiration to me. He is my brother.
Failure and triumph. Most lives are a mix of these two things, but even when we fail, we should go down fighting. And isn't success even sweeter when we have fought for it and prevailed?
Susan
He is a self-made man. He has every reason to be arrogant, but he is not. With just a high school diploma and no family support, he started at the bottom rung of the ladder and worked his way up to become the president of the company. No one handed him anything; he earned it. He didn't sacrifice his family along the way as some do, either. Now retired, he and his wife of almost fifty years enjoy their life together. surrounded by good friends, children and grandchildren. He lives in a lovely home in one of the most beautiful places in the United States. I am delighted for him, because if anyone deserves to enjoy the fruits of his labor, it is this man. He is an inspiration to me. He is my brother.
Failure and triumph. Most lives are a mix of these two things, but even when we fail, we should go down fighting. And isn't success even sweeter when we have fought for it and prevailed?
Susan
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Mirror Images
"The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt." Sylvia Plath
I know a woman in her late 40's who is very pretty. She takes good care of herself and it shows. Her husband appreciates it, but it is really all in vain (pun intended) because she is so critical of herself. She compares her 40ish self to her 20ish self and comes up short. Hello! Isn't it a given that young women have stuff going on that we older women don't anymore? She has never become comfortable in her own skin. That lack of self-confidence seems normal in a very young woman, but I am thinking my friend and I are old enough to know better.
There is nothing more attractive in a man or a woman than confidence. Not arrogance, for arrogance is just smoke and mirrors to cover up weakness. But the confidence to walk through life more concerned with living and loving creatively than looking in every mirror you pass by. And speaking of mirrors, what we put out there in life reflects on us. Be at ease with who you are and you inspire confidence and creativity in everyone you meet.
Susan
I know a woman in her late 40's who is very pretty. She takes good care of herself and it shows. Her husband appreciates it, but it is really all in vain (pun intended) because she is so critical of herself. She compares her 40ish self to her 20ish self and comes up short. Hello! Isn't it a given that young women have stuff going on that we older women don't anymore? She has never become comfortable in her own skin. That lack of self-confidence seems normal in a very young woman, but I am thinking my friend and I are old enough to know better.
There is nothing more attractive in a man or a woman than confidence. Not arrogance, for arrogance is just smoke and mirrors to cover up weakness. But the confidence to walk through life more concerned with living and loving creatively than looking in every mirror you pass by. And speaking of mirrors, what we put out there in life reflects on us. Be at ease with who you are and you inspire confidence and creativity in everyone you meet.
Susan
Choosing Love
"Do not seek the because. In love there is no because, no reason, no explanation, no solutions." Anaïs Nin
"We can't help who we fall in love with." She was defending a friend who had made a very poor choice in the type of man she is involved with romantically. I tend to agree that Cupid's arrows seem to fly in a somewhat random fashion. Now you can decide not to spend time with the person or live with him or marry him or have a child with him, so you have many choices to make. But sometimes love simply is. And a romantic relationship can be unhealthy and dysfunctional, but not for a lack of love.
Healthy parental love is unconditional. You love the child because he exists, because he is. Think for a moment of your family and friends, all the people you love. Now you certainly are able to readily enumerate all their great qualities. But you don't love them because they are wonderful. In fact, you are probably quite aware of their faults and shortcomings. The closer you are, the more intimately acquainted you are with their less lovable traits. You simply love them because they are and perhaps looking at them in a loving way you recognize more readily what makes them great.
Susan
"We can't help who we fall in love with." She was defending a friend who had made a very poor choice in the type of man she is involved with romantically. I tend to agree that Cupid's arrows seem to fly in a somewhat random fashion. Now you can decide not to spend time with the person or live with him or marry him or have a child with him, so you have many choices to make. But sometimes love simply is. And a romantic relationship can be unhealthy and dysfunctional, but not for a lack of love.
Healthy parental love is unconditional. You love the child because he exists, because he is. Think for a moment of your family and friends, all the people you love. Now you certainly are able to readily enumerate all their great qualities. But you don't love them because they are wonderful. In fact, you are probably quite aware of their faults and shortcomings. The closer you are, the more intimately acquainted you are with their less lovable traits. You simply love them because they are and perhaps looking at them in a loving way you recognize more readily what makes them great.
Susan
Thanksgiving
"Our enemy is by tradition our savior, in preventing us from superficiality." Joyce Carol Oates
It's the season of thankfulness. I love it that we have a day devoted to counting our blessings. If you are anything like me, your list of things that inspire gratitude is a long one. All the good things that have come my way in life, so many people who support me and love me.
And those who don't. In a weird way, should we not be thankful for what we learn and who we become, courtesy of those who are not at all supportive and loving? People who in some cases even wish us harm?
It's good to try to live at peace as much as possible with other people, but can you live any length of time and not make a few enemies? If we are to ever have any depth of character, I wonder how much it has to do with those who love us and with those who don't?
Susan
It's the season of thankfulness. I love it that we have a day devoted to counting our blessings. If you are anything like me, your list of things that inspire gratitude is a long one. All the good things that have come my way in life, so many people who support me and love me.
And those who don't. In a weird way, should we not be thankful for what we learn and who we become, courtesy of those who are not at all supportive and loving? People who in some cases even wish us harm?
It's good to try to live at peace as much as possible with other people, but can you live any length of time and not make a few enemies? If we are to ever have any depth of character, I wonder how much it has to do with those who love us and with those who don't?
Susan
The Bigger They Are, the Harder They Fall
"Few people have the wisdom to prefer the criticism that would do them good, to the praise that deceives them." Francois de la Rochefoucauld
The tone of the conversation was somewhat embarrassing, because the speaker was praising me way too much. Frankly, no human being is as awesome as he was making me out to be. I asked him was there some area in which I might improve, and he could think of nothing to offer in the way of constructive criticism. I got the impression that he was manipulating me for his own purposes.
I have found that sometimes the very person who lifts you up on the pedestal is the same one who later knocks you off. The higher you are elevated, the more devastating the fall later on. I didn't allow his comments to make my head swell. It is better to just walk around with both feet on the ground like all the other mortals, thank you very much.
Susan
The tone of the conversation was somewhat embarrassing, because the speaker was praising me way too much. Frankly, no human being is as awesome as he was making me out to be. I asked him was there some area in which I might improve, and he could think of nothing to offer in the way of constructive criticism. I got the impression that he was manipulating me for his own purposes.
I have found that sometimes the very person who lifts you up on the pedestal is the same one who later knocks you off. The higher you are elevated, the more devastating the fall later on. I didn't allow his comments to make my head swell. It is better to just walk around with both feet on the ground like all the other mortals, thank you very much.
Susan
All the Small Things
"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." Mother Teresa
I work in a job that to some people might seem menial. It has been a somewhat humbling experience, and I'd be lying to say there aren't times when I wonder how I ever got to this place. But mostly I am thankful to even be employed in this economy, and believe that it is temporary.
How interesting to observe people doing menial tasks. There are those who don't care, who do only the minimum necessary, who perhaps feel the work is beneath them. Then there are those who bring excellence to everything they do, who both believe and practice that anything worth doing is worth doing well. It says a lot about a person's strength of character, to be able to do something small in such a big way.
Susan
I work in a job that to some people might seem menial. It has been a somewhat humbling experience, and I'd be lying to say there aren't times when I wonder how I ever got to this place. But mostly I am thankful to even be employed in this economy, and believe that it is temporary.
How interesting to observe people doing menial tasks. There are those who don't care, who do only the minimum necessary, who perhaps feel the work is beneath them. Then there are those who bring excellence to everything they do, who both believe and practice that anything worth doing is worth doing well. It says a lot about a person's strength of character, to be able to do something small in such a big way.
Susan
Friday, November 5, 2010
The Land of the Free
"Life has a certain flavor for those who have fought and risked all that the sheltered and protected can never experience." John Stuart Mill
The last time I was on an airplane, several men and women in military uniform came on board. A woman seated near me touched the first person on the arm and said, "Thank you for your service." He replied, "Oh no, ma'am, thank you. It's an honor."
Veterans Day is November 11.
Susan
The last time I was on an airplane, several men and women in military uniform came on board. A woman seated near me touched the first person on the arm and said, "Thank you for your service." He replied, "Oh no, ma'am, thank you. It's an honor."
Veterans Day is November 11.
Susan
Thursday, November 4, 2010
The Best Policy
"Mistakes are always forgivable if one has the courage to admit them." Bruce Lee
Young children have blurred lines between fantasy and reality, so to demand that a three-year-old always tell you the truth is an exercise in futility. But as our children grow, it is important to teach them the value of honesty. First, we need to model that behavior for them. If they overhear us calling in sick when we aren't, or telling what we believe to be harmless white lies, not good.
We also need to make it easy for them to tell us the truth. Why would a child lie? To escape punishment, perhaps? If you are harsh with them for being honest with you, you encourage deception. A good rule would be, just tell me the truth and you won't get in trouble. No need to cover up or come up with some outlandish tale. It is safe to tell me what's what.
As adults we sometimes play childish games, shading the truth to make ourselves look good, telling a loving lie so we don't hurt someone's feelings, but really a mark of maturity is to own your life, own your feelings, own your actions.
Susan
Young children have blurred lines between fantasy and reality, so to demand that a three-year-old always tell you the truth is an exercise in futility. But as our children grow, it is important to teach them the value of honesty. First, we need to model that behavior for them. If they overhear us calling in sick when we aren't, or telling what we believe to be harmless white lies, not good.
We also need to make it easy for them to tell us the truth. Why would a child lie? To escape punishment, perhaps? If you are harsh with them for being honest with you, you encourage deception. A good rule would be, just tell me the truth and you won't get in trouble. No need to cover up or come up with some outlandish tale. It is safe to tell me what's what.
As adults we sometimes play childish games, shading the truth to make ourselves look good, telling a loving lie so we don't hurt someone's feelings, but really a mark of maturity is to own your life, own your feelings, own your actions.
Susan
Go, You!
"Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be." Ralph Waldo Emerson
It was my privilege and delight to help my son and daughter-in-law plan their wedding. The most fun? Taste testing wedding cake samples. They asked my former husband and me to help them write their vows. My contribution was my idea that your spouse should be your biggest cheerleader. Encouraging you when you doubt yourself, helping you back up and brushing you off when you fall, challenging you when you become complacent. He or she should help you realize your full potential in life.
My young nephew has a wonderful sense of humor. He likes to say, "Go, Me!" And I have borrowed that phrase from him, along with the other side of the coin. "Go, You!" Do you have at least one person in your life who inspires you? And are you that for others? Who is it today that needs to hear two words from your mouth..."Go, You!"?
Susan
It was my privilege and delight to help my son and daughter-in-law plan their wedding. The most fun? Taste testing wedding cake samples. They asked my former husband and me to help them write their vows. My contribution was my idea that your spouse should be your biggest cheerleader. Encouraging you when you doubt yourself, helping you back up and brushing you off when you fall, challenging you when you become complacent. He or she should help you realize your full potential in life.
My young nephew has a wonderful sense of humor. He likes to say, "Go, Me!" And I have borrowed that phrase from him, along with the other side of the coin. "Go, You!" Do you have at least one person in your life who inspires you? And are you that for others? Who is it today that needs to hear two words from your mouth..."Go, You!"?
Susan
It's a Small World
My favorite ride at Disneyland is "It's a Small World." It is just the cutest thing, and (unlike some folks) I don't find that song annoying at all. Fifty-five years after Disneyland first opened, these words are truer than ever. We live in a very small world.
I was looking at the stats for this blog and our readerships is not limited to the United States. I was amazed and pleased that folks from nine other countries have visited Hero In Your Soul. I sit here in California typing away, and people in Norway and New Zealand and Brazil read my words.
Wherever you are today, hello and thank you so much for stopping by.
Susan
I was looking at the stats for this blog and our readerships is not limited to the United States. I was amazed and pleased that folks from nine other countries have visited Hero In Your Soul. I sit here in California typing away, and people in Norway and New Zealand and Brazil read my words.
Wherever you are today, hello and thank you so much for stopping by.
Susan
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