The $4.95 Dress

I found the most wonderful dress for my friend's wedding, coming up in a few months. Since I will be the reader, I won't really be a part of the wedding party, but we thought a dress that would sort of harmonize with her colors (black and gold) would be just perfect. Because I have been losing weight, I have really been looking for a dress yet.

The other night, I was driving home when I my intuition told me to stop at a store which is on the way. It is a sister store of the one where I work, and I get an employee discount. I really, really didn't want to stop, because I was tired. And after working all day in a store, I didn't feel like going into another store. I actually was not even thinking about a dress for the wedding. But I obeyed my intuition, and walked in the store and began to look around, and there it was. It had several clearance tickets on it, one on top of each other, with $5.50 being the one on top. It must have been in the store for a long, long, long time to be marked down so many times. And even before then, it must have been around for a long time because this store is an off-price retailer which has merchandise other stores don't want. The dress has been waiting. Just waiting for me. 

The $5.50 dress, which with my 10% discount, makes it a $4.95 dress. I tried it on, and can you say perfection? I have eight more pounds to lose, but it fits now and will look great then, too. It has black and gold sparkly spangles on the top, and the bottom is a creamy ivory lace that is almost yellow. I love this dress. Love. this. dress.

It is a Mimi Chica, which is a brand I knew nothing about, until now. I did some searching online, and found it on Macy's website under "item no longer available." Well. Of course it is no longer available, because it is mine. So here is a picture of my dress, but not a picture of me. The model looks happy, which is how the dress makes me feel.

So once again, my intuition leads me somewhere wonderful. Isn't this a great story?

Susan

Say It Right

A while back, my younger son loaded some music on my ipod. I've been listening to it this morning. I like this one.

Susan

"Say It Right" by Nelly Furtado, Nate Hills and Tim Mosley

Traveler

"Please be a traveler, not a tourist. Try new things, meet new people, and look beyond what's right in front of you. Those are the keys to understanding this amazing world we live in." Andrew Zimmern

Have you ever stayed at a hotel where the chairs by the pool or the chairs for the beach become a big issue? Guests running over to the pool before breakfast, and putting down their towels and staking their claim? Being eyed suspiciously if you look in the direction of their chairs, when in fact, you might be just enjoying the gorgeous view or thinking about whether you want your Margarita on the rocks or blended?

I think these chairs are amazingly wonderful.

Susan

Demons

She has a new, exciting but challenging opportunity in her life, and she seized it. I say to her, "You can do it!" because I am certain she can. But it is pushing a lot of her buttons. Have you ever noticed that? When we step out of the usual day-to-day, and especially when we start to get what we want, we also end up confronting our demons. That should not be surprising; right? It could be that her biggest demon is "You're not good enough." It is a common monster in many of our lives, or at least it seems that way to Susan. Not unusual at all.

She recently had a memory, one she had not thought about for decades. Her father would call her into the living room on Sunday afternoon, and he and the mother would be sitting there. Her mother didn't talk, but her silence conveyed to my friend that she was in agreement with what Dad said. "You are nothing but a disappointment to your mother and me." Now it's likely her father said other things, too, but this very ominous statement is the one my friend remembers the most.

I have never met her father or her mother; both of them passed away years ago. But she has told me a lot about her dad, and there was a lot of good there, too. He was a good man in many ways, and he gave her a lot. She says he made her feel loved and special and pretty, and all the things a little girl needs from a daddy. But this statement that she thinks she heard every Sunday, "You are nothing but a disappointment" is a big demon of hers. I told her that her father must have been a very powerful person in her life, perhaps the most powerful person ever, for that statement to have carried so much weight. She shared this with her therapist, who said it seems to have influenced many of the things my friend has done throughout her life.

"Your dad hung the moon," I suggested, when she told me this story, and she nodded and started to cry. I know my dad certainly did. He put it up there in that big, dark sky. "He was the first man you ever loved," I added, and I got tears in my eyes, too. "With that pure love of a little girl."

So she is confronting her demon of Not Good Enough. She knows what some of my demons are, and I told her I think of mine as Muppets. Monsters. Demons. Okay. But ones that are really not all that scary, once I get to know them. The thing is, I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to avoid them and run away from them, when they are just big, adorable, cuddly things with green and orange fur. And although they can be scary, I want to share a secret with you. They are really my friends. Yes. You read that right. They are my friends, and are just there to help me. If I will let them.

How about you? You have demons, too, if you are a human like me. Could you begin to visualize them as Muppets? Can you begin to sing this song? I'll sing along with you.

Susan

"Mana Manam" written by Piero Umiliani. Muppets created by Jim Henson. Some are property of Disney.

Susan, My Susan

At work, I overheard my colleague's conversation with a customer and knew that I was needed, so I began to walk over to her register. I heard her say, "I'll ask my su..." meaning to say supervisor, then she saw me and said, "Susan." So it came out, "I'll ask my Susan." We laughed and I called her "My Karin," and for the rest of the shift, and even a few days later, people were saying, "My Susan."

I like that. I am their supervisor, which is my job and I am good with that, but if I had my druthers, I druther be their Susan. It is wonderful to belong to someone; don't you think? Oh. I suppose if it turns into some weird stalkerish, possessive thing it's not fun at all. Jealousy can be an ugly emotion. But to belong to someone, and have someone belong to you, can be lovely.

This has always been one of my favorite songs. It is an old standard, and it's about belonging and travel, two of the best things in the whole, wide world.

Susan (Your Susan)

"You Belong To Me" written by Pee Wee King, Chilton Price and Redd Stewart

Personal Shopper

Today I felt that I should stop in the secondhand store that is in the same shopping center as where I work. I really wasn't excited about it at first, but thought who knows what I might find. So I obeyed my intuition, as I am learning to do. I popped in there on my lunch break.

There was a huge swarm of women around the rack of women's slacks. It all looked boring to me, a bunch of black and brown and navy blue slacks. So I was over looking at something else, and this woman yelled out, "If anyone's a 2, here are some nice white ones. Banana Republic." She held them up. I thought she might be talking to friends she was shopping with, but I guess he was just yelling it out for anyone who might be around. But I suppose she was really talking to me.

I went over, and saw that there were so many shoppers at that rack because women's slacks were half off. I took those slacks into the dressing room, and I imagine you are way ahead of me now. They belong to Susan.

A few months ago, a friend had given me a pair of white slacks she didn't want any longer, and that is always a smart kind of look for summer; right? But since I have lost weight, they are too big for me. This pair of slacks that I got today are actually more of an ivory color, which is a better shade on me than white anyway. Very pretty, with nicely designed pockets and buttons and smart cuffs at the hem. Fully lined, and I imagine you get the picture. They are awesome. $6.50! How about that?!

It's like that other shopper was my personal shopper. Wowzers! This intuition thing really works.

Susan

The Bridge

We were listening to a song, my friend and I, sort of humming along and singing along, and I said, "This is my favorite part." She, who has some musical training, said, "That's the bridge." Then she added that often when we listen to music, I get all excited when the bridge comes. She explained simply that it's the connecting part of a song.

Sometimes I don't even care for a song, but I like just that particular part. The other day, I heard a song I had not heard in many years, "Daisy Jane" by America. I remember when my sons were little and we would take road trips, their dad and I would let them help choose the line up. This was back in the day of the cassette tape, long before ipods and satellite radio.

They liked the America tape we had, and the younger one particularly liked "Daisy Jane." I am going to share it with you, and let you know that my favorite parts begin around :51 and again at 2:08. Game. Gaaaaame. Blame. Blaaaaame.

Singing along in the car is one of the best things to do.

"Daisy Jane" written by Gerry Beckley

Father's Day

When I was a little girl, my stomach often bothered me. It is not surprising that I would have diarrhea or vomit, that my stomach would hurt. My mother would say it was the flu, but looking back I don't think it was very often the flu. Our home was a scary place. My mother was a scary person. My stomach hardly ever hurts anymore. I have a good life, one where there is no reason to be upset or scared or sad. I can't even remember the last time I threw up.

My father died a week before my 18th birthday, which means he has been gone for a long time. I remember the first time I was ill and threw up, after he was gone. I was an adult person, and I had never thrown up by myself. He would always go in the bathroom with me, and hold my head, and keep my hair out of the way. Throwing up is scary. There is a lack of control to it that frightened me, but he was always there to stay with me so that I didn't have to throw up alone. He would help me rinse out my mouth, brush my teeth, and he would get a cool washcloth for me. It was comforting.

I remember when I was married, telling my husband at the time that story, and he looked at me strangely and said, "Susie, I am not going to do that." He thought throwing up was icky, which it is. And I didn't ask him to, but I would have liked it if he would have held my head while I threw up.

Is that weird? That it is one of the tenderest memories of my father. He was not an affectionate man. I remember being a little girl, and jumping up in his arms, or getting on his lap, but like a lot of fathers, once I got to be a little older, he kept his distance from me. He didn't hug often, and I can't ever remember him saying, "I love you," although without a doubt, I felt loved by him.

I hug a lot. Not random strangers, but the people I love get hugs. I say, "I love you" a lot. One of the wonderful young women I work with gave a week's notice that she was quitting her job. Management doesn't communicate well, so no one told me. A few people knew that yesterday was her last day. When she told me, I felt so sad. I adore her, not just because she is a valued member of my team, but she is a lovely person. I said, "Oh, Daniela...." and hugged her. She said, "This is why I didn't tell you until today, Susan. I knew you would do this, and then I would cry, and I couldn't do this for a week."

It is just the way I am. If you have to throw up, just tell me and I'll be that person who goes into the bathroom with you and holds you so you don't have to throw up by yourself. You don't even have to be very careful not to get it on me, because sometimes vomit is projectile and you have no control. I just don't want you to be alone and scared. I'll change my clothes if I need to.

Maybe you prefer to be alone when you throw up, and I will respect that. I try to be respectful, but I really want to help. I don't want you to be scared and alone. And I guess when I say that, what I am really saying is that I don't want to be scared and alone.

So this is my Father's Day post. This is what my dad meant to me; that when he was there I was not alone and I was not scared. Every child should be so lucky.

Susan

Loyalty

Today is Flag Day in the United States. I shall wear red, white and blue today. Are you thinking, "Of course you will"? I am not a flag waver kind of person. I don't think that we are the best nation in the world. Actually, I think one of our biggest problems is our arrogance; that we run around and say things like that. I think it's funny that many times the people who say we are the greatest country in the world do not even possess a passport and have never even been outside of our country. I wonder how they could possibly know that?

I am, however, a very loyal person. Is it because I was born in the Year of the Dog? It is part of who I am. So since I was born in America, I am loyal to her. Two of my uncles, and my older brother, and my older son, all served their country. I appreciate all of those men and women who have served, and I will also tell you that I think Edward Snowden is the bee's knees.

My life as a woman would have been quite different if I would have been born in some place like China, or Iran. But when I came to this planet, I landed in the United States of America. I love her, because she is mine. But I think I would also love China, or Iran, if she was mine. I love what is mine. I am loyal to what is mine.

She's a grand old flag.

Susan

"You're a Grand Old Flag" written by George M. Cohan

I Love Beer

When I was a travel agent, I always gave a gift to clients booking a vacation package or cruise. The cruise lines would arrange something, like flowers in the cabin, or a bottle of wine at dinner with my compliments. There was a little gift shop in the same shopping center as the travel agency, and they had the most wonderful assortment of picture frames and albums, and I often chose one of those and gave that to the client when he or she picked up travel documents. That was back in the day where you actually needed paper documents, and when people actually put photographs in albums. I did it mostly because I needed to keep my costs down, and a nice $20 photo album was better than giving the cruise line $40 for a $5 bottle of wine.

Sometimes clients would bring me back a gift, or send me flowers, but not often. I remember one pair of elderly sisters who were going on an escorted tour of New Zealand, one of the most expensive vacations I ever sold. When they returned, they both came in to see me and told me how wonderful their trip was, and how wonderful I was for suggesting that particular tour company. With great flourish, they presented me with a bag. It was filled with the little jars of jellies and preserves from their breakfast table. They were so pleased with themselves, and one of them said, "None of them have been opened."

It used to be that I thought I didn't like beer. The only beer I had tasted was Bud or Rolling Rock and I thought it was icky, so I never explored the world of beer. Also, I was convinced that beer makes you fat, and I didn't want that. A client and his wife were traveling to Germany for Oktoberfest, and when he picked up his documents, he asked me if I liked beer, and I said I didn't care for any of the beers I had tasted. He said, "I'll bring you back a bottle of wine. Riesling." And he did, and I loved it, and to this day, my favorite white wine is Riesling, or Moscato, which is very similar, at least in Susan's mind. It was a lovely way for him to show his appreciation.

Last year, my younger son and I took a trip to Nantucket Island, and he introduced me to the world of craft beers. He has a good deal of knowledge about them, and we went to a brewery and I learned what a flight is, and we did some beer tasting. The brewery was within walking distance of where we stayed, so it was the perfect way to spend an afternoon. The people there were impressed that we were from San Diego, because San Diego is well known for its craft beers.

So. Guess what? I like beer. Correction. I love beer. I just didn't know it because I had never had anything good. The other evening, my roommate and I went out for a snack and the bartender recommended Sculpin IPA, which is made by Ballast Point, a local brewery. So we split one. Then we ordered another one, and split it. Which means Susan had an entire beer. It was yummy, and the perfect beverage to have with a veggie wrap. I like beer. I love beer. It's funny that it took me 53 years to discover that. I wonder what else I have been missing out on, just because I never had the good stuff.

Susan

I have not received any remuneration for my endorsement.

Come Take My Hand

When I was in fourth grade, my dad took up a hobby. He got his pilot's license, and he and a friend bought a plane together. My father most of the time was a very unhappy person, but this new venture was something that made him smile.

I loved going up with him in that little airplane. We always had his friend with us, because my dad would not fly alone with his kids in the plane. I remember how carefully they checked everything out before we went up, and how diligent they seemed to be with all the controls.

My mother hated his hobby. She was a woman extremely dedicated to being miserable, and she disliked it when others were not as miserable as she was. I don't know all her issues, but she was very vocal at how much she objected to him doing it.

She refused to ever fly with him. I don't believe my mother was ever on an airplane her entire life, although I can't say for sure. She said those little planes are dangerous, and a person could die. And she wasn't completely wrong about that, because there is definitely a risk.

I didn't think it was dangerous at all, and even relished the times he would zip that little plane around a little, just to amuse me. I was in my early 30's before I ever flew on a commercial aircraft, but I remember thinking that you really didn't even know you were flying, except for the take off and landing.

One of the best times we flew was when he and his friend flew me from Pennsylvania to Virginia so I could spend a week at my sister's home there. I was amazed that we got there so quickly, because it was a very long and tedious drive in the car. I totally remember thinking that was the way to go. I still think so.

When I was a travel agent, I learned to deal with clients who were afraid to fly, or had some trepidation, or simply were a little nervous. Fear is an emotion, so you really can't reason with it. But statistically speaking, traveling in a car or in a train is much riskier.

Flying. How I felt was this. My dad was the person I trusted most in the world, and he would never put me at risk, so I just enjoyed it. What is there to fear when you know the pilot?

Toward the end of my marriage, I attended a jazz festival with my husband at the time. His favorite music is smooth jazz/R &B. Being the good sport that I am, I went with him and I enjoyed seeing him have a good time.

Everyone was all abuzz about Jeffrey Osborne. He must be a really important artist in this genre, I remember thinking. My ex-husband didn't know who he was. I wasn't interested enough to Google him on my phone, and then as we were sitting there, the announcer introduced him. Jeffrey Osborne. The crowd went wild, and I thought, oh this will be interesting.

And then he opened his mouth and sang, "Just smile for me and let the day begin..." And I was all, oh my gosh! So that is who Jeffrey Osborne is. He wrote the lyrics and made famous one of the best songs ever, and here it is.

Susan

"On the Wings of Love" written by Jeffrey Osborne and Peter Schless

Rawwwwrrrr!

I love this. Opening the cage door right now.

Susan

Feel Good

"When you make the choice to start living as you would in a perfect world, you let the universe know you expect greatness. And by doing so, the universe has no choice but to identify you as a magnet for all  you desire." Phil Good

Occasionally, at the store where I work, corporate decides we should Improve Morale. So we got a coffee maker. This is ironic to me; that our store sells items for the home and we didn't have a coffee maker in the break room. I would occasionally bring in a cup of coffee from home, and heat it up in the microwave, which is sort of ghetto, but if I wanted coffee, this is how it would happen. My colleagues would be all, "Cofffeeeeee" as they longingly smelled the aroma. Then we got the coffee maker. But we had no coffee. This was also ironic, since we have a food section in our store, and we sell coffee. Then we had coffee, but no creamer or sugar. Then we got creamer and sugar, but no cups. Then we got cups, but we would run out of coffee. It was funny in a sad way, like I need to laugh about this, or it will make me cry.

We didn't have coffee for a long time, so my sweet roommate suggested I take some in that she had bought and didn't like. So I did. I also donated a box of tea bags, for tea drinkers. Yesterday I made a pot of coffee when I got in, and people were all excited. And we had creamer and sugar. And cups. But they were the cold cups, those red plastic ones. One of the wonderful young men I work with and I had this humorous debate in the break room, about whether or not the hot coffee would melt the red plastic. He is such a nice guy, and works so hard, and he said, "I'm afraid." I told him I'd stay there with him, to have his back, in case there was a "meltdown." Meltdown. Get it?

It is not my job to make sure the break room is fully stocked at all times. This is up to a certain assistant manager. I have had other jobs where that was part of my job description, and while I am a flawed and imperfect human being, I think I was always able to keep the whole coffee thing going. It is such an easy thing to do, but it means a lot to people.

Someone asked me later, "Susan, did you make the coffee?" I said I did, and that it was compliments of my roommate. See. The thing about me is, I try to light a candle instead of just curse the darkness. I have been on this planet for a while now, and believe me, I know that it isn't perfect. But I try to live just as I would if it was perfect. Then I ran across this quote by Phil Good, and it makes me feel good. Phil Good; get it? I love the idea of being a magnet for all I desire.

The world is not perfect, but to Susan, there is such a thing as a perfect cup of coffee. Close enough. For now.

Susan

"Feel Good, Inc." written by 2D, Murdoc Niccals and D Jolincoeur

Passion

For eight years, I was a travel agent. The business was in the same small rural town in which our family lived. Folks there were not terribly sophisticated, and I am not saying there is anything wrong with that. There were many people who were going on a tropical vacation for the first time, their first cruise, their first vacation to Mexico, or what they would often say was their first "real" vacation. That usually meant one that didn't involve visiting relatives. I enjoyed introducing them to the world of travel, which is one of my passions. It was fun, to send someone somewhere for the first time, and have them come back and tell me how wonderful it was. It was great to see people get bitten by the travel bug, and to plan their next trip and the next and so on.

When I say I love to travel, I mean I really love to travel. It doesn't have to be expensive, or exotic. Anyplace but here, you might say. Not that my "here" is bad. I live in the San Diego, California area, for goodness' sake. My "here" is paradise. But I love to go places. So travel is definitely a passion of mine. Somewhere different. Somewhere I've never been before.

It is not that way for everyone. I think many people would say they love to travel, and they might love the idea of travel, but some really don't like it or enjoy it all that much, and they definitely don't love it like I do or have a passion for it the way I do. I discovered this when I was a travel agent, and I saw how uncomfortable some people became with the idea of leaving the familiar. It sort of surprised me really, because I thought that money might be holding some folks back from a vacation, but that wasn't it at all. They had trouble stepping outside their comfort zone. They couldn't seem to just let go and let it all happen.

No matter how well we plan, things do go wrong from time to time when we are away from home. Customs agents are not always friendly, back-slapping kinds of guys. No matter how carefully you pronounce and then spell your last name, those people at the hotel desk might decide they have never heard of you. Diarrhea. While not all of it is pleasant, having a pleasant, go with the flow attitude about it, and a sense of humor will help.

Go with the flow. Have a sense of humor. Not be surprised if something goes awry. Step outside the comfort zone. Let go and let it happen. It sounds like the things that make for a good travel experience, come in pretty handy in everyday life. And whether it's traveling or just plain living, to fully and completely enjoy it, we need to love it and have a passion for it.

Susan

Cover Ground

"It's Enough To Be On Your Way" written by James Taylor

Susan