Road Trip

It's the ultimate road trip for 81-year-old Diane Donoghue, whose bus will be making 30 stops in 15 days as it travels from Iowa to Washington, DC. The Roman Catholic nun is the only one of the sisters on the bus who will be making the entire journey. The women are unhappy with the House Republican budget which will affect Head Start, food stamps and other types of public assistance for those in need. They thought a road trip would be the perfect way to spread the message. They are scheduled to arrive in Washington on July 2.

Recently the Vatican scolded The Leadership Conference of Women Religious, a group to which 80 percent of all the nuns in the world belong. Their greatest sin, according to Rome, is being too concerned about social justice and not concerned enough about homosexuality, gay marriage, abortion and contraception. Hmmmm. Sounds suspiciously like Jesus Christ as the gospel narratives describe him.

You can learn more about the sisters at www.nunsonthebus.org.

Susan

Happy Birthday, Dear iPhone, Happy Birthday to You!

The iPhone is celebrating its fifth birthday today! Yay! It is something I never thought I needed, but I've had one since Christmas 2008 and now I wonder what did I ever do without it?

Loudmouth Birdie told me about the Parrot Drone Quadricopter, a remote control airplane you control with your iPhone or iPad. Wowzers! I want one. I want it bad.

Susan

The Lemonade Stand

Today as I was driving along, I spotted some young girls and moms and a lemonade stand. I made a U-turn and drove back to where they were. Lots of smiles, probably because they had a customer, but mostly I think because of Pink. One of the moms said, "We all love your Barbie car!"

I rarely carry cash with me, but today I was really happy to have some dollar bills in my wallet, so I could buy some lemonade. Most customers at the store where I work use debit cards for purchases rather than cash. The world has changed a lot since I was a kid, but it was nice to know that some things haven't, like children making some money by running a lemonade stand on a summer day.

One 6 oz. cup of warm lemonade: 50 cents.
Generous tip: 50 cents.
A pink "Barbie" car pulling up to your lemonade stand: priceless.

Susan

Another Earworm

I have loved this song for a long time, and just had to share it with you. Have fun!

"Punk Rock Girl" written by Rodney Linderman, Joe Genaro, Dave Schulthise and Dean Sabatino

Susan

Amor Fati

"Did you ever say yes to a pleasure? Oh my friends, then you have also said yes to all pain. All things are linked, entwined, in love with each other." Friedrich Nietzsche

We have so much power to create the kind of life we want. With our thoughts, beliefs, words and actions, we choose the way we want to be in this world. As I look in the rear view mirror of my life, I see that where I am today is a sum of all the choices I have made.

That being said, there are some things that we can't control, so what do we do with that? Those painful things we can't change; what do we do with that? Fight and protest, kick and scream? Sigh heavily and simply resign ourselves to our fate? Make our peace with it, find a way to accept it? Or do we actively embrace it and practice "amor fati," Latin for the "love of one's fate"? Do we love our fate? Do we love our life, all the parts of it, even the sad, bad and icky parts, knowing that whatever is happening at the present time must be something we need to become more of who we are supposed to be? That can turn it into not just something we need, but something we actually want.

Here is what I have begun to do. When I start to feel impotent or victimized, I remind myself how much I love my life. I love my fate, all of it. Not just the good parts. I stretch my arms out as far as they will go, and I scoop up everything in my life, including the pain, and give it a great big hug. I embrace my life.

I wrote a post a while back  here about how "I have everything I need." But you know what else is equally true? "I need everything I have."

Susan

Michael

We grew up together, although we never met. We were born the same year, 1958. Most of us just knew him as "Michael," first name only. I was a teeny bopper when he and his brothers were making hits like "ABC" and "Rockin' Robin." He was one of the most brilliant people of my generation, gone much too soon. Today as I was looking through the artichokes at the grocery store, one of his songs played over the intercom and it occurred to me that it was three years ago today that he died. I was in the middle of some of my own personal drama then, so while I knew he had passed, it really didn't register as much to me at the time.

The world is not kind to the brilliantly talented. Like an insecure schoolyard bully, life likes to knock people like that down a few pegs. Would we be happier if everyone was mediocre, like us? Artists as gifted as Michael Jackson don't have the luxury of living ordinary lives. If they are to be true to themselves, they can never fly under the radar.

And Michael didn't. To call him eccentric is an understatement. He was at once a shrewd business man and a fun loving child. He changed the world of music forever, yet never found any lasting peace in his own personal world. His music lifted us to joyful heights,  yet the man himself was so unhappy he had to find stronger drugs just to ease his pain.

Sadly, Michael and I will not be growing old together, but his music lives on forever.

Susan

"Rockin' Robin" written by Leon René.

Getting it Right

I was born in Pennsylvania, and lived there for the first twenty-four years of my life. This morning I am very proud to tell you that is where I am from. Earlier this week, William Lynn, a Roman Catholic bishop from Philadelphia, was convicted of child endangerment. He was in a position of oversight of priests in his diocese, and he took the pedophile priests and moved them from one parish to another and another and another, never mentioning that the new priest liked to rape children. For the first time ever, a church official has been convicted of a crime for the way he handled sexual abuse claims. This ground breaking case sends a strong message, that those who are shepherds (that's what "bishop" means) had better start doing the right thing, or they will be held accountable.

And then there is the conviction of child rapist Jerry Sandusky, on 45 of the 48 counts he had against him. Pennsylvania Attorney General Linda Kelly said, "A recurring theme in this case has been, 'Who is going to believe a kid?' and the answer is, we here in Bellefonte, Pennsylvania, would believe a kid."

One in every three girls is sexually abused. One in every six boys is sexually abused. So much wrong. But right now I'm not thinking of the wrong. I am thinking of all that is right in the world. It's late, after midnight, and I am going to go to bed now. I'll lay my head on my pillow, close my eyes and remember those people on Lynn's and Sandusky's juries, those folks who got it right.

I hope they sleep well. Good night.

Susan

33 Dresses

Anya Sostek of The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported on Elissa Ashwood, who got "all dolled up," as my grandma might say, to go to her cancer treatments. It's a great story. Ashwood has a wonderful blog called "33 Dresses." Check it out if you need something to brighten your day.
www.33dresses.com

Susan

Give Them Back Their Souls

The jury is sequestered as they deliberate the fate of Jerry Sandusky, the former Notre Dame coach who is accused of raping young boys. I wrote about him here. Because they are cut off from the world, they don't know that Matthew Sandusky yesterday publicly accused his father of molesting him as well. Last fall, Matthew Sandusky's ex-wife obtained a restraining order keeping their children away from their grandfather.

While the evidence against Sandusky seems overwhelming, what it comes down to at least from my point of view, is whether or not the jury believes the testimony of the alleged victims. As I write this, the jury is still out. In closing arguments, prosecuting attorney Joseph McGettigan asked those twelve people to do right by the victims by finding Sandusky guilty and "give them back their souls."

I don't know if Sandusky committed the crimes. I have never suffered sexual abuse. I have never been raped.  So I can only imagine how those who have might feel. It seems to me that McGettigan used the perfect words. Give them back their souls.

Susan

Joie de Vivre

Painter LeRoy Neiman died yesterday at the age of 91. His art was bold and colorful, as was the man himself. He had a huge mustache, wore flamboyant clothes and smoked big Cuban cigars. Often dismissed by critics as being "superficial," his work is nothing if not joyful.

In the 1950's, he began cartoon drawings for Playboy which continued on for more than fifty years. He said, "Playboy made the good life a reality for me, and made it the subject matter of my paintings; not affluence and luxury as such, but joie de vivre itself."

Joie de vivre, the joy of living.

Susan

"Joe DiMaggio," by LeRoy Neiman

The Cabinet

George Washington's Cabinet consisted of four men. Secretary of State Thomas Jefferson, Attorney General Edmund Randolph, Secretary of War Henry Knox, and Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton. Today, there are many more Cabinet members, these senior level officials for the Executive Branch of American government.

I have a Cabinet in my life. They are a diverse group, younger and older, male and female, because those different perspectives lend balance. The thing that they all have in common is that I trust them. I share some very private things with them and I know it would never turn into gossip. I respect them because they live their lives with a high level of integrity. I know that they will be honest with me. They are not a bunch of "yes" people and would be willing to tell me some hard truths.

Ultimately how I live my life and the tough decisions that I sometimes need to make are my responsibility alone, but it is not such a lonely road when I consult with my Cabinet.

How about you? Who is in your Cabinet?

Susan

Broken Heart

"You can close your eyes to things you don't want to see. But you can't close your heart to things you don't want to feel." Johnny Depp

Last week I had my heart broken for the first time. All my life, I have heard that expression, a broken heart. But I never had one until the day someone I love very much told me of a problem and asked me to help. I said of course I would, and I went on to offer love and comfort and support. But inside I was shattered. Is there anything worse than watching someone you love suffer? I wished I could have traded places, to spare them this pain.

A broken heart hurts. Really, really, really bad. I didn't fight the pain. I didn't deny it. I just allowed it to be, to wash over me. I don't like pain. Usually I avoid it, but in this case it seemed, well not okay but certainly appropriate for the situation. Why use all that energy to fight it, I thought, why not let it be, and it might go away. And it did. In a few days, I felt much better, and now a week later, I am pretty much back to my old self.

And my heart? Well, it's like I went around picking up all the pieces, then I got some of that really great super glue and glued it all back together. It's as good as new. Maybe better.

So now my eyes are open to my loved one's situation, and my heart is open to everything that I can feel. If that's not living, then I don't know what is.

Life is beautiful. Even when it's not.

Susan

Hold My Hand

"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Amos 3:3, King James Version Bible

The two young girls held hands, as they half-walked, half-skipped along on the sidewalk. Their flip flops made that slappy, summery noise on the pavement. They might have been cousins or friends or sisters, or perhaps they were sisters who were also friends, which is the best kind of way to be. Holding hands is wonderful. It says, we are in this together. It says, while we sometimes disagree, we are in complete agreement in our direction. Forward and together. It's hard to stay mad at someone when we are holding hands.

With the right person, holding hands can be very romantic. It is the only intensely intimate gesture I can think of that is also completely acceptable to do in public. Perfect. Holding hands makes us feel safe and warm. Sometimes there are scary places up ahead, and it's reassuring to feel that hand holding ours. Then there are the times when one of us wants to hang back just a bit, and the more confident of the two can gently tug us to where we need to be.

Susan

"Hold My Hand" written by Mark Bryan, Dean Felber, Darius Rucker and Jim Sonefeld

Of Dads and Other Heroes

Like some first time fathers, he was hoping that their baby would be a boy. He wouldn't know what to do with a girl, and what's up with all that pink? I watched them together the other day, this man who is a complete natural as a father, interacting with a tiny little baby, who just happened to be wearing a pink polka dot onesie and a huge pink flower on her headband. Such love!

We tend to make a big production out of Mother's Day, as we should, but Father's Day, not so much. This is reflected in Father's Day greeting cards, where there are a lot of neckties, barbecues, beer mugs and cheesy jokes and not a lot of sentiment. Maybe some fathers shun the hoopla, but I'll bet even those guys would love to get fussed over just a little, to get a phone call that tells them they are appreciated, to read a note that says they have made a difference.

Father's Day in America is this Sunday. If you are a dad, thank you for all you do. Thank you for running behind the bike, holding on to the seat and knowing exactly when to let go. Thank you for cutting the crusts off sandwiches, understanding that little things like that are really a big deal. Thank you for not getting mad when you step on yet another Lego in your bare feet. Thank you for checking the closet for monsters. Thank you for putting a little one up on your shoulders, so he can feel as tall as you.

You might shrug and say that what you do is just part of your job. You may think you are just an ordinary guy going about his business, and you would be wrong. If you could see yourself through the eyes of your child, you would know you are a hero. And all of us,  little kids and big kids alike, could always use another one of those.

Happy Father's Day.

Susan

"Isn't She Lovely?" written by Stevie Wonder for his daughter Aisha.

All the Way to the Universe and Back

Last month, a Florida family lost their home in a fire, but not before twelve-year-old Justin Jackson got himself and his three younger siblings safely out. Their father was away on business and their mother was at work. Now a child that young taking care of his younger brothers and sisters is just not the safest thing, but that is a story for another day.

I love what nine-year-old Emilio Jackson said about his big brother. "If he wasn't here, we would not be alive. I love him all the way to the universe and back."

Wow. That is a lot of love.

Susan

You can read more about this in a piece by Sevil Omer of msnbc.com.

True Strength

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as true strength." Saint Francis de Sales

Life is full of everyday, ordinary people who do the right thing. Case in point. Californian Oscar Lopez who stopped his neighbor from beating his young stepson, but not before capturing it all on video. Brilliant! As a result, Anthony Sanchez was charged with felony child abuse. And a little boy knows that there is at least one person in the world who will stick up for him.

Where was the child's mother? Her husband was beating her son. Where was the child's biological father? Why, after being let out on bail, was Sanchez allowed to go on a planned family vacation to Alabama? Why are we living in the 21st century and people still think the way to teach a child is by beating him?

Life is full of everyday, ordinary fathers who do the right thing. Dads. Biological dads, stepdads, foster dads, adoptive dads, father figures who would never hurt a child. Dads who don't think they need to toughen little boys up by beating them while they play ball with them, as Sanchez apparently was doing.  Dads who use their strength to lead and not intimidate. Dads who step in when a child is in danger. Dads like Oscar Lopez.

Lopez could have turned away, deciding it was none of his business. He didn't. A week from tomorrow we will celebrate Father's Day here in America. I hope Oscar Lopez has a happy one.

Susan

Update: Sanchez's attorney now reports that Sanchez did not accompany his wife, stepson and a child he and the wife have together to Alabama.

Harvard Class of 2016

It's that time of year. Caps and gowns and celebrations with family and friends, awards and diplomas and happy tears as all the hard work pays off.  Dawn Loggins just graduated from Burns High School in North Carolina and is on her way to Harvard. When she visited the campus in April, she just knew. "I just could not picture myself anywhere else, at any other college," she said.

It has not been an easy road for Loggins. She grew up in the midst of abuse and neglect, with cockroaches and no running water and sometimes no electricity either. Her parents had problems with drugs. When she was a very little girl, she didn't understand that other people didn't live that way, wearing the same clothes every day and not bathing for months. The other kids would call her dirty and it made her cry. But Loggins is smart, and she began to picture a better way for herself. "When I was younger," she said, "I was able to look at all the bad choices and make a decision for myself that I was not going to end up like my parents."

Loggins worked as a janitor at her high school, and the staff at the school showed her a lot of support. She showered in the locker rooms, and had her clothes washed there. They encouraged her academic efforts as well. When she was 17, her parents abandoned her and she was homeless. She could have ended up in the system, but she wanted very much to have stability and graduate from Burns. So the people of Lawndale, North Carolina rallied around her and made sure she had what she needed. A home with a family, food and stability. Her supervisor at work traveled with her to Harvard in April so she could see the campus, the trip financed by the generosity of her "village." She turned 18 (legally an adult) during the second semester.

Loggins has a full ride at Harvard; tuition, room and board, and the school has offered to help place her in a job on campus. Since her story has been on CNN, there has been an outpouring of generosity from folks everywhere. She doesn't want the money, because she plans to keep working and she knows she will be fine. But she has set up a non-profit foundation for homeless students where the money can go, and she hopes that her story will shed some light on this very real problem in America.

There are some truly wonderful people in Lawndale, North Carolina, these folks who became a village for this young woman. She had a lot of help along the way, but really it all started when she was just a little girl, when she looked around and decided to picture a different way of life. She is thankful for those who showed her love and support, but let's not be distracted from the most powerful part of the story. For when it's all said and done, Ashley Dawn Loggins made this happen for herself.

Susan

Mr. Rogers Remixed

The late, great Fred Rogers. I love him. Love. him.

I couldn't find who wrote the song. If you know, please tell me so I can properly credit.

Susan

Converted

"Each falling down is a calling to be converted, to become more fully ourselves, and we cannot do it if we simply get back up and go back to the same way of being that led us to fall in the first place." Ada María Isasi-Díaz

Those of us who have been on this planet for any length of time will find a need to be converted. The Free Online Dictionary gives this definition of convert: to change into another form, substance, state of being; transform. One of the dangers of becoming middle-aged and older is that we might be resistant to change. My grandma would have called it "being set in your ways." So life gives us these little gifts, these places where we fall down, these opportunities to be transformed. To find a new way of being.

Are you familiar with Isasi-Díaz, this woman I have quoted, who passed away last month? As a little girl, she wanted to be a Roman Catholic priest, but of course as a female, she could never be. So she found a different way to be, and with that, she changed her world. You can read more about this fascinating woman here.

Susan

Hanging out with the Wrong Crowd

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great ones make you feel that you, too, can become great." Mark Twain

We teach our children to be careful about who they hang out with, and we take a dim view of their friends who we feel might be a bad influence. But you know, that really never ends. As adults, we need to take care of who we spend time with, too. Inevitably we become like those around us. Everyone has an influence on us, no matter if we are fourteen or forty. Marshall McLuhan said, "We become what we behold."

How about you? Do you surround yourself with people who help you become all that you can be? Or have you been hanging out with the wrong crowd?

Susan

Innocence

Jury selection began yesterday in the trial of Jerry Sandusky, the Pennsylvania man accused of raping young boys. I wrote about him and his former boss, the late Joe Paterno, here. While there are some serious flaws in our criminal justice system, one of the great things about it is the right to a jury of our peers. I was born and grew up in Pennsylvania, a place where football is practically a religion, a place where Penn State football and the man known as Joe Pa are both larger than life. That makes what's going on there a little more interesting to me, I suppose. The venue is Centre county, right there in Nittany Lion territory. I am counting on the Pennsylvanians who end up sitting on that jury to be fair minded.

I think one of the good things that has come out of this is that people are realizing that boys can be raped. While that has seemed like a given to me, I have found that not everyone thinks that way. There has been this prevalent feeling among many, I think, that when we hear about little boys being molested, it is something called "fondling." Fondling in and of itself would be a horrible violation, but it is rape. Anal rape.  And being forced to perform oral sex.

Whether or not Sandusky is found guilty of these crimes remains to be seen. Another wonderful thing about our system is the presumption of innocence. He is going to have his day in court, perhaps as early as Monday if jury selection goes as planned. There will be no videotaping, which is probably a good thing for me, because I would be tempted to spend way too much of my time watching it and I think the negative energy would not be good for me.

Boys just have a special place in my heart, I suppose because of my two sons. In America we sometimes treat them differently than little girls, like they are less fragile and not so easily shattered. But they aren't. Their innocence is something to be fiercely guarded.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if Sandusky himself had his innocence violated when he was a small boy. Abuse does not happen in a vacuum. So this is a good thing, right? This trial in Pennsylvania where the world receives a little more light on this sad subject. I am telling myself that. I am telling myself that something good is coming out of all that. It must.

Susan

Tiananmen Square

It was twenty-three years ago today that the Chinese government killed its own people in the June Fourth Incident. Older people like me remember it vividly, but think about it. That was in 1989. There is a new generation born since then, perhaps many who don't know what that day was all about. I think it's important that we tell them.  I think it's important that we remember. I think it's important that we never forget.

Susan

Photograph by Jeff Widener

The Superficial

When it comes to shopping, I am a browser. A window shopper. I like the experience of looking at pretty things. I don't have to buy them to have fun shopping. There is a store near me that I especially enjoy. The merchandise is unusual and ever changing. The sales people are available yet unobtrusive. The store smells good, like fresh air and flowers, the lighting is soft and the temperature is always nice and cool, even on a hot day. It just makes me happy to go into that shop and look around.

I work in retail myself, in a store in a very affluent area. We are told to ask each customer as they arrive at our cash register, "Did you find everything you were looking for today?" Many times they reply something like, "Well, I didn't need anything, but look at all I'm buying." Some are almost apologetic at buying all that stuff. I figure their consumption fuels our economy and gives me a job and if they aren't taking food out of their kids' mouths to buy that stuff, what's the harm?

Maybe what they are feeling is the superficiality of it. Now I like beautiful things in my home and flowers on the table and lovely clothes and sparkly jewelry just as much as the next girl, but all that stuff is just the window dressing of what is hopefully already a meaningful life. We could have all the things that money could buy. But if the stuff is all we have, then I would have to agree with the words to this song: that life's a bore.

Susan

"Ain't Got You" written by Alicia Keyes