Friday, April 30, 2010

Brighten the Corner Where You Are

Is your home beautiful? It can be, today. Without moving, without a big renovation, without an interior designer, without spending much money, without spending all weekend cleaning. It can actually be quite simple. Clearing out the visual clutter, displaying some family photos, perhaps painting a wall a different color, getting a new pillow for the sofa, putting out a vase of flowers. Just a little bit at a time, one room at a time, and our home becomes a more inviting place. Our surroundings definitely affect us, and sometimes it's just little positive changes in our environment that produce a lighter mood, a calmer spirit.

Susan

Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Good Old Days

"This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Isn't it fun to look through old photos; to take a walk down Memory Lane? Your child's baby picture or a faded photograph of a loved one who has passed on give you that little catch in your throat. The fashions and hairstyles of another time caught on film are always good for a chuckle. Nostalgia. The good old days.

Today is the best day of your life. Yesterday is gone, but you have today, rich with promise. No matter how great (or not so great) your past has been, you have this new day to make into whatever you want it to be. What a time to be alive! These are the good old days.

Susan

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Retreat, Relax, Recharge

When was the last time you had a day completely to yourself? A day off from all your responsibilities, where it was all about you? A day to play or explore or sleep or just sit around and eat cheese doodles?

You might reply that you could never do this because you are very busy doing whatever it is you are busy doing. Well, the more demanding and hectic your life, the more you need a day like this. If you keep going at breakneck speed, you are going to burn out. Go ahead. Take a day. Once your batteries are recharged, you will be more productive in your work. And chances are your family will appreciate a more relaxed, less cranky version of yourself. It may take a bit of creativity to get your responsibilities covered for the day, but you can do it if you want to.

Or do you even want to? Maybe not. Perhaps you stay busy because you have the idea that as long as you are doing something, being productive, your life has some meaning. Could it be that you think people value you and love you because of what you do for them, instead of simply for who you are?

Just one day. Just for you.

Susan

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

You're as Beautiful as You Feel

"O wad some power the giftie gie us, to see oursel's as others see us!" Robert Burns

Allow me to ask a question of my female readers. Does your mirror lie to you?

I am amazed at the number of very pretty women who don't feel that way about themselves. How can they be so clueless when it's so obvious to everyone else? Sigh.

Where does this come from? Popular culture with its impossible standards of beauty and skinniness? Airbrushed celebrities and models? The cosmetic industry with its obvious motivation to make sure you are never satisfied with your appearance? An inattentive or absent father when you were a little girl, a critical mother who never complimented you because she didn't want you to be vain? Were you the smart one, while your sister was the pretty one?

No matter the origin. Would you please do me and yourself a huge favor? Could you begin to see yourself as others see you?

Susan

Legacy

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou

It is very important to prepare for death. A will, a trust, instructions for the funeral, all of these details worked out ahead of time will greatly lessen the burden on our grieving loved ones. It also makes practical sense to ensure that any inheritance we leave behind will pass on without delay and without a lot of unnecessary fees being taken off the top. While some may think they are too young, or their means are too modest to make final arrangements, there are others who simply are in denial about the fact of their own demise.

Memory is the only certain immortality. We all will live on in the lives of the people we influence and touch. In a positive way, or a negative one. It is up to us. Each day that we live our lives, we are creating our legacy. What kind of memory will I leave behind?

Susan

Monday, April 26, 2010

On the Fence

"At the moment of commitment, the universe conspires to assist you." Johann Wolfgang van Goethe

The favored football team starts out the game well, is comfortably ahead, then the quarterback fumbles the snap, the underdog team gains possession of the ball, and suddenly momentum has shifted in their favor, they make some amazing plays and the Underdogs win the game. Life is like that. Things are moving in a certain direction, something pivotal happens, and the momentum completely changes. That underdog is suddenly top dog.

Sitting on the fence is quite uncomfortable. Making a decision, choosing either side of the fence, is preferable to being perched up there. At the moment we act decisively, we seize the power to change the momentum in our lives. Have you ever experienced this? You feel a victim of circumstance, one bad thing after another seems to happen to you, then you decide to act, there is a shift in momentum and things seem to come together for you. Everything just falls into place and you're on a roll.

Life can be a series of ups and downs, failures and successes. Sometimes all we can do is endure. We don't always have control. But often we do possess the power to shift the momentum, when we commit and invite the entire universe to assist us.

Susan

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Meeting a Need

It is heartening to see the response of total strangers when a disaster hits. In 2007 my area of California was touched by wildfires. While I was one of the lucky ones whose home was spared, I saw firsthand the concern of people in the area and from far away to lend a hand. It is characteristic of humans that when we are made aware of a need, we do something about it, whether that is volunteering to pass out the coffee and donuts, or writing a check to the Red Cross.

But what about the needs we know nothing about? When I was a young woman, I was one evening invited to the home of an older woman who attended my church. She made the most delicious dinner. When I left, she loaded me down with enough food to last a week. Leftovers from the meal, cheese and crackers, fruit, cookies. I was overwhelmed. What she didn't know was that I had just paid an unexpected bill and had no money for food until my next pay day. Her kindness filled a very real and immediate need in my life. Is it any wonder why I still remember her more than thirty years later?

Susan

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Love Like You've Never Been Hurt

A now deceased relative of mine was an expert at pushing people away. She had few (if any) friends, and by the end of her life had successfully alienated many family members. When once asked if she was happy living that way, she replied that if no one loved her and she loved no one, she would never be hurt. I have no idea what put such a huge scar on her heart that caused her to feel this way. While she may have not been hurt, she inflicted a huge amount of pain on others, for she was dead wrong in her assessment that no one loved her. She was loved. Sad that she did not allow that love to touch her.

Not long ago a man whose beloved dog had died about a year earlier told me he would never get another dog. Those of us who have lost a pet know how it hurts. Then he said, "You just get attached to them and then they die." I had to choke back a laugh at such a ridiculous statement. Of course, everything and everyone dies, but I thought the whole point of having a dog was to get attached to it.

To love and be loved is life's greatest gift. Those who have the ability to love deeply are the most blessed of all people. All relationships are transient and end at some point, and unless you die quite young yourself, you are going to have one loss after another. It is perfectly natural to grieve, to take time to recover, but healthy people go on to love again. It is the ultimate tribute to those we have loved before, that we would love again.

Susan

Peer Pressure

Parents of teenagers know that who their kids hang out with have an influence on them. Running with the wrong crowd can get you into trouble. While adolescents are especially vulnerable to peer pressure, we older people are not immune to it. Even without realizing it, we adopt the habits, language and attitudes of those who surround us.

Let's not insulate ourselves. Our circle of friends and acquaintances should enrich us and stretch us. To do that, you have to have some diversity. As we grow older, it's easy to become set in our ways. Knowing people who have different backgrounds, life experiences and opinions from ourselves will challenge us and help us grow.

While we don't get to choose our family, coworkers and neighbors, we can be aware of their influence. Sometimes it is appropriate and perfectly okay to limit the amount of time we spend with people who impact us negatively. With our friends, we have more freedom of choice. We can surround ourselves with people who will support us and cheer us on as we journey forward.

Susan

Friday, April 23, 2010

The Power of Encouragement (by JustJean)

“Only as high as I reach can I grow, only as far as I seek can I go, only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be.”
By Karen Ravn

I have a wonderful new friend who encourages me everyday. She is always positive and full of vim and vigor. She tells me that I am beautiful and smart and even funny. Wow, these are all things I have always wanted to be! She does not "pooh pooh" my ideas and dreams. Her encouragement and positive feedback give me courage to continue to move forward. My ideas are no longer stupid, silly, or nonsense. I believe I can truly do something worthwhile. I have never received such positive feedback and encouragement before. I have renewed strength and excitement about what I can do.

What a difference her positive energy and encouragement has made in the very short time I have known her. I think of all those years I wanted to show others that I was not just a silly person, but that I had depth, sincere thoughts, ideas, and dreams that I wanted to pursue, but never received encouragement to go forward with them. My ideas and dreams were always met with smirks and negative responses as though I was unrealistic and hadn't actually thought them through. Because of the responses I received, I questioned myself and did not have the confidence to move forward with any of them. Now, I have been blessed tremendously with a friend who believes I can do it.

Thank you Lord! And, thank you to my dear friend!

Encouragement costs you nothing to give, but the power your encouragement can give someone else is priceless. The three women from California have a dream to share the power of encouragement with those who have dreams and ideas they have not had the courage to pursue. To offer a positive place for others to pursue, or even discover their dreams is our dream.

By JustJean

Defining Moments

I cannot imagine anything more terrible than having a child die. I was talking with a mother who had this happen to her, many years ago. She still misses him; absolutely. This tragedy changed her; certainly. She allowed herself to grieve, but she continued on with great courage. For a while, she belonged to a support group of other parents. This helped her, and I have no doubt she helped others as well, for she has a great deal of empathy. She told me that she eventually stopped going to the meetings, because she realized she had been wearing her son's death as a badge of honor. She decided that this was not going to define who she was. She was more than just a mother who had lost a child.

You know those labels you put on your chest at meetings? "Hello, my name is..." and you write your name in the blank space. Some of us wear those badges in everyday life. We allow an abusive childhood, a failed marriage, unemployment, illness, to define us. While it is true we are the sum of all the things that we have experienced, aren't we also a lot more?

Susan

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Preparation

"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Buddhist proverb

Opportunities present themselves once we are prepared for them. If there is an opportunity you have been waiting for and you're getting frustrated because it's taking so long, it could be that you simply are not ready. What can you be doing to get yourself prepared to seize that opportunity? Waiting is very difficult, but the preparation is both necessary and a constructive use of your time.

When I entered my mid-40's, I began a period of great personal growth. I have learned so much over those past seven years (and I'm still learning.) Sometimes I think how great it would have been to have learned some of this stuff when I was a younger woman. My life would have been a lot more productive, and I certainly would have been a lot happier. Or so I think. But it doesn't work that way. I needed to be prepared. I needed to experience certain things before those lessons could take hold.

Susan

Lemons and Lemonade

"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him." David Brinkley

My oldest friend is a woman with an amazing knack for turning lemons into lemonade. We've been friends since we were teenagers, and she was that way even then. She has taken any number of negative circumstances in her life and turned them into something good.

Everything that happens to us has some useful purpose at some point in our lives. At the time, something negative can seem like nothing but random, senseless, painful crap. I don't spend a lot of time wondering why things happen anymore. I don't search for some mysterious lesson in life, for I have learned that sooner or later it will be obvious. It's best just to deal with it, cope with it, and get on with your life.

Are you familiar with the story of Joseph, the one with the colorful coat? He was his father's favorite and his older brothers hated him for it. So they left him in a pit and led Dad to believe he was dead. Joseph's life was literally and figuratively in the pits, he became a slave, had a number of other awful things befall him, but eventually he became second in command in his country. A very powerful man. His brothers left their home because of a famine and went to the city to get food, and encountered Joseph. They thought for sure he'd kill them and who would blame him? But Joseph was one of those people who knew how to make lemonade. He said, "You meant evil to me, but God meant it for good, to save many people." Joseph was instrumental in relieving the famine. He went back home with his brothers, saw his old dad and everyone had lots of food and lived happily ever. It turned out that the worst thing that ever happened to Joseph was actually the best thing that ever happened to him. Sometimes people do bad things to us with malicious intent, no two ways about it. But those who know how to make lemonade find a way to turn it around for good, for themselves and others who have the great fortune of knowing them.

Susan

The Fountain of Youth

"Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul." Samuel Ullman

Walk through any drug store and you'll find an astonishing array of anti-aging creams and lotions and potions. We baby boomer women are a powerful demographic, and we are truly concerned about diminishing the appearance of fine lines. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to look your best. But ponder for a moment this question: what shall it profit a woman, if her face is smooth but her soul is wrinkly?

I know a man in his late 80's who is upbeat and positive, an absolute joy to be around. He keeps his body active with daily walks and his mind agile with daily crossword puzzles. A few years back, his wife of 60 years died, but in spite of that, he has a real enthusiasm about life. He seems so...young.

Contrast that with a woman still in her 20's, whose Facebook status is always something negative...stressed, angry, some complaint about how much her life sucks. One day when her status said that she was happy I was actually shocked. I know a good bit about her life, and she has many blessings. Yet she is a very unhappy person. She is beautiful and her face is unlined, but I think she has let her soul shrivel up. She seems so...old.

Enthusiasm is the fountain of youth. Let's not allow our souls to get all pruney.

Susan

Honesty

"True friends stab you in the front." Oscar Wilde

Most likely there are any number of people willing to talk about you behind your back, but if you have one person in your life who is willing to tell you exactly what you need to hear, you have a real treasure. Most of us will say we value honesty, and we feel so insulted when we discover someone has lied to us. But there is usually a reason why people are less than honest. Could it be that we can't handle the truth? That we are so sensitive that people tiptoe around us, worrying that our feelings might be hurt? If we want to be the best we can be, we are going to have to let our defenses down around someone we love and trust and hear what they have to say.

Susan

Let It Begin With Me

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." Mohandas Gandhi

Did you know that our nation is going to hell in a handbasket? I have no idea what that actually means, but I think it is a very cool thing to say. If you are unaware of how perfectly awful, how terribly horrific things are, you might want to watch more television news shows and listen to the talking heads interpret daily events for you. Then you would be appropriately wringing your hands instead of reading my silly little blog.

People my age tend to settle down in our barcaloungers in front of our HD TVs and bemoan the sad state of affairs, while doing absolutely nothing. What I must do is get up out of my recliner and tap into my personal power. The power to change my country, to change my world, by changing myself.

Susan

We'll Just See About That

"Never allow a person to tell you no who doesn't have the power to say yes." Eleanor Roosevelt

Every day, all around us are people who have beaten the odds. The bank wouldn't loan money to start that small business, and it turns into a thriving empire. Wedding guests say, "I give them a year," and fifty years later they are still together, more in love than ever. And my personal favorite: doctors who tell you that you will never get pregnant, you have six months to live, your child will never read or walk or live independently... I think you get the picture.

A clear understanding of the facts is needed, constructive criticism can be helpful, and advice from experts should be taken into account. But why, oh why, do we allow people to tell us no? Really, don't we have enough doubts of our own? What's up with the negative comments from the peanut gallery? It takes all the strength and courage we can muster (and then some) to face the difficulties of life, to take matters into our own hands to find a solution, and those naysayers just sap our energy. Surrounding ourselves with positive people who support and encourage us is vital.

Susan

Friday, April 16, 2010

Young at Heart

"Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." Helen Keller

As I was sitting on the floor playing with my grandchildren, the eight-year-old smiled and told me, "You're more like a kid than an adult." That is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.

Children approach life with enthusiasm and a sense of expectation. Even a cautious child has a great sense of adventure. Kids laugh easily, forgive quickly, rebound from hurt and disappointment, and wake up in the morning ready to see what the new day will bring. They are experiencing so much for the first time!

Those of us who've been here for a while can find life pretty predictable. Been there, done that. Paying the bills, meeting the deadlines, dragging around the baggage of disappointment and failure, it gets pretty tiresome and we feel a bit jaded.

For the young at heart, life is a daring adventure. So much to learn and do and experience. Still so much joy to be had.

Susan

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Refuge

In your daily life, do you have an oasis of peace? Maybe it's an early morning jog before the rest of the world is awake. A time of prayer or meditation in a quiet corner, after the children have gone to sleep. Brown bagging it to a nearby park during your lunch hour. I once found my refuge in an unexpected place: my dance/exercise class where I let the music just take me away. It is important to carve out a retreat from the busy pace of life. Where is your little oasis?

Susan

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

What the Heck?

"Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist." George Carlin

In an interview, the late George Carlin said (I'm paraphrasing) that there are many types of comedians, but all funny people have one thing in common. They look at the world and ask, "What the heck?"

Approach life with rose-colored glasses, and soon reality slaps you down. Disappointed and feeling foolish, you adopt a cynical attitude to protect yourself. As much as being slapped by reality hurt your pride, it was a good thing because now you find out if your idealism meant anything. If it did, you will find a way to implement your ideas in a realistic way. If you are ever going to change yourself and change the world around you, you have to take life as it is, not as you wish it would be. Sounds pretty grim. This is where your sense of humor needs to kick in. Life is serious business, but you don't have to take yourself so seriously.

Susan

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Focus

"I don't think of the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains." Anne Frank

Let's not bury our heads in the sand. We need a clear-eyed vision of the world as it truly is if we are ever going to affect change, in the world as a whole, or in our own personal lives. We need to proactively right wrongs and make changes in ourselves. There are situations that are beyond our control, and certain things that we simply will never change. Life is at once ugly and beautiful, miserable and joyful. What will be our focus?

During my mid-40's, I went through about two years of some real difficulty. During that time, I made an important decision. I felt that if I focused on the misery, I would simply not make it. So I chose to find some joy in each day, no matter how small it was. I would find one thing that would make me happy, one thing that was beautiful, and squeeze everything I could out of it. I would not wait until this particular trial passed. I couldn't afford to think, "Well, once this is all over, I will finally be happy." I guess you could say I was desperate for joy and beauty.

At first it felt very awkward. I would sort of step back and look at myself, and wonder who was this strange Pollyanna-like character I was becoming? Driving, if I heard a song on the radio I really liked, I would roll down the windows (you can do that almost every day in southern California) crank up the volume and sing along. That made me happy. If someone complimented me on a job well done at work, I would milk that for everything it was worth. I started to praise myself (silently, of course) when I did something great. Beautiful weather was no longer taken for granted. A cute pair of earrings I found for a couple of dollars at a thrift store would give me such joy. It seemed silly, but I didn't care, because it worked! I learned how to be happy by shifting my focus.

Did this new way of looking at life change what I was going through? Not at all. It was still an incredibly painful experience and I was relieved when it was finally over. But I got through it because I had these little episodes of joy. It helped me survive. And I learned the most important lesson in my life: that happiness is a choice. And that if you choose happiness, if you choose to see what is beautiful, you also in the process change yourself. It was during this time that I finally learned to be comfortable in my own skin, that I realized I was a person who was deserving of happiness and joy.

It is not being overly dramatic to say that I changed my life. This attitude, this way of focusing on the beautiful, at some point stopped being something I did. It became a part of who I am and is now (some seven years later) as natural as breathing.

It's all about your focus. The misery is there. Dwell on it and you will become quite miserable. Focus on what is beautiful, choose to be happy, and beauty and happiness will be yours.

Susan

Friday, April 9, 2010

Sleep Therapy

"There are two kinds of people -- the takers and the givers. The takers sometimes eat better, but the givers always sleep better." Danny Thomas

Just before their daughter Marlo was born, Danny and his wife were struggling financially. He was torn between pursuing his musical career and doing something else to support his family. He prayed to St. Jude, the patron saint of the hopeless, and asked for direction: to stay in show business, or abandon it. He promised that if he was shown the way, he would erect a shrine to St. Jude. Almost immediately his career as an entertainer took off, and the rest (as they say) is history.

Mr. Thomas lived up to his part of the deal and gave the world St. Jude's Children's Hospital. No child is ever turned away from St. Jude's because of an inability to pay. That is a very inspirational place that has helped so many kids and their parents.

Each one of us can give, whether that be of our finances, our time, our talents and abilities. You might not have much, but you have much to give. How nice to put your head on your pillow at night and go to sleep, knowing that your day counted for something in the life of someone else. Sleep well now.

Susan

Destined for Greatness

"If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way." Napoleon Hill

When I was a little girl, I enjoyed a series of biographies on famous people. These books were aimed at children and each one had an emphasis on the subject's childhood. That part caused me to identify with people like Clara Barton, Angel of the Battlefield and Liliuokalani, Young Hawaiian Queen. Why, they were little girls once, just like me! It was the mid-1960's and while the women's movement was picking up speed, it had not quite reached my elementary school. So the idea of a woman doing something awesome was a novel concept, and very exciting to me.

Not all of us will find our names in a history book, not all of us live high-profile lives, not all of us do things of great magnitude. But we all can do what we do in a great way. Anything that is worth doing, that we are expending our time and energy on, is worth doing well. We can do small things in a great way.

Isn't life really made up of a zillion small things anyway? It's all those little things that at the time seem insignificant that add up to a life either wasted or a life well-lived.

Susan

Influence

Like it or not, we influence other people around us. Even if you are a hermit, you are having an effect by the lack of your presence in the lives of people who know you and care about you. You have an influence in your own little circle, but it goes beyond that because the people you touch, go on to affect others. A ripple.

What will it be then? Will I be an inspiration, or a cautionary tale? At different times in my life (maybe even at different times on any given day?) I have been both. Being around a positive person can energize, and a negative person can suck you dry.

It is good to be mindful of how we impact those around us. It might surprise you to know how much of an affect you have.

Susan

Pleasant Surprises

Life is full of surprises. Some of them are actually more like horrible shocks, but there are delightful surprises as well.

I looked forward to being a mother, and when that happened, I was overjoyed. I gave it my all. Looking back, I made mistakes. There is no "rewind" button in life, but if there was I would do some things differently. But nevertheless, I did my best and gave it everything I had. I knew it was my job to nurture and teach. I tried to be a good role model, because it is especially important with kids to walk the walk and not just talk the talk. I taught them, but what really surprised me is how much they taught me. I appreciate the kudos they give me on Mother's Day, but really I feel like I should be the one thanking them. These two wonderful people are now adults and they continue to be the greatest joys in my life.

Did I get much because I gave much? Is that how life works? I don't know, but I would venture a guess that when we approach any endeavor in a half-hearted way, we don't reap much of a reward. But it seems that when we throw ourselves into a particular thing with everything we have, the rewards can be amazing. Surprising at times.

Susan

Namaste; To You

"One day the hero sits down, afraid to take another step, and the old interior angel limps slowly in with her no-nonsense compassion and her old secret and goes ahead. 'Namaste,' you say and follow." David Whyte

Looking back on my life, there have been times of discouragement where I faltered. Each time there was someone who stepped in just when I needed it. As I write this, I am thinking of those many wonderful people who made all the difference in the world to me. Where would I be without their encouragement?

It gets tiring continuing to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. Who has been an encourager in your life? And who today could use an encouraging word from you?

Susan

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Power Beyond Measure

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I, to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be?" Marianne Williamson

Being ordinary is a fairly safe and easy way to live. If you are nothing special, then what you do with your life doesn't matter all that much. You don't need to hold yourself to a high standard, and others around you don't expect that much from you.

The problem with being ordinary is that no one actually is. While our talents and abilities vary greatly, each one of us is one of a kind. We each have an important place in the grand scheme of things. Powerful, isn't it?

Susan

What Goes Around, Comes Around

I have never gardened, but I remember a childhood friend whose parents had a huge garden every year. How I loved their fresh tomatoes, still warm from the sun, sliced with some salt on them. Delicious. Sometimes the crop would be much larger than expected. Tomatoes everywhere! My friend's mom would work feverishly canning the tomatoes, making homemade ketchup, and in the dead of winter I would be invited to their home to enjoy the most wonderful spaghetti. The sauce was made from those tomatoes that became ripe the summer before.

Sowing and reaping. My friend's dad planted tomato seeds and got tomatoes. He didn't get green beans or onions. He got tomatoes. (Unless he didn't mark where he actually planted the tomatoes, but that's a different story.) Whatever we sow, we shall reap. It's a lesson from nature.

Funny how expecting the worst can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. People sow seeds of doubt and anger and bitterness, then act surprised when that's what they reap. If that little seed packet has a picture of tomatoes on it and is labeled tomatoes, if you plant those seeds you are going to get tomatoes. Pretty simple. What goes around, comes around.

I would much rather plant good things, a positive attitude, kindness, gentleness, and have all that great stuff come back to me. Now you can treat someone well and have them treat you badly in return, for you don't always reap what you've sown immediately. The harvest can take a while. It requires patience to be a gardener. The seeds are small and just a few, but the bounty can be huge. More goodness than you know what to do with. Now that's the way to live.

Susan

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Returning the Favor

Any good relationship needs a balance of taking and giving, or resentment results. It's not fun to feel like you're being used. When someone does something nice for you, it can create a sense of obligation. An uncomfortable sense of owing them a debt. Some people are very literal about this. Take the Christmas card list, for example. Are there people on that list you barely know, or haven't seen for years? Yet you send them a card because they sent you one last year, then they send you one because you sent them one, on and on it goes. And no one wants to be the first to stop this madness.

When we receive a favor, it does obligate us, but not necessarily to the person who granted the favor. Instead of bouncing the goodness back and forth like you're playing tennis, why not do something nice for someone else? One of my favorite movies is "Pay It Forward." Being blessed should motivate us to share those blessings with others, to keep all that good energy and happiness going. A truly rich, full life has a balance between give and take.

Susan

Live as If Heaven's on Earth

I am 51 years old. None of us is promised tomorrow, but if I live a normal lifespan for a woman, I have roughly 30 years left. Now if that doesn't create a sense of urgency, I don't know what else does! Thirty years to accomplish what I want, thirty years to enjoy the people I love, thirty years of experiences, thirty years of travel to see what I've never seen before, thirty years to grow.

Most people believe in some sort of an after life; heaven if you will. When someone passes away, you might hear the words, "He is in a better place." The other day I was speaking with a woman who was describing a kindness and she commented that the person who had been kind to her was "too good for this world." Now I will agree that there is plenty of ugliness in the world. Crime and war and starvation and suffering way beyond what I can imagine in my relatively sheltered existence. Sometimes this world seems downright hellish. So the idea of going somewhere better sounds good at times.

But should we not all be living in such a way to make this the best place it can possibly be; living as if heaven is right here on earth? No matter our age, should we not live with a sense of urgency? Think about the people you love. You might assume they know how much you love them, but would it hurt to say those three little words again? Wouldn't it be a good idea to call them, text them, email them, write them, and tell them how very much they mean to you? Those people that you meet in the day to day, the bank teller, the checker at the supermarket, could they not use a smile, a kind word, some eye contact? Couldn't we all benefit from a random act of kindness, a greeting card sent for absolutely no reason at all, some homemade cookies, a handful of flowers? These acts of grace cost us so little. What can you do today to make your own little world a bit more like heaven?

Susan

You Put Your Right Foot In

HOKEY POKEY ANONYMOUS - a place to turn yourself around (Facebook flair)

Twelve-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous have changed many lives. Life is serious business, and there are challenges that we face each day. How inspirational when someone recognizes he has a problem and takes steps to change it. Whether that is talking to a doctor when you're depressed, seeking therapy, becoming part of a program like AA, how great that we are seeing less stigma on addiction and mental health issues. As the shame lessens, hopefully more and more people will step out of the shadows and be helped.

Having some silly fun is therapeutic. There is scientific evidence that laughter is very good medicine. When was the last time you danced the Hokey Pokey? When was the last time you were just completely silly? Children do that naturally; I guess that's why the Hokey Pokey is thought of a kid's dance. How sad that as we grow up and grow old we lose touch with that kid inside us, that we plod through life in such a grim fashion. That we keep our guard up lest someone find us ridiculous. A sense of humor can be a very real defense from the slings and arrows of life. And blowing off some steam just having fun can really take the pressure off.

Finding the balance between the serious and the silly. That's what it's all about.

Susan

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Seek and You Will Find

"Some people find fault like it was buried treasure." Francis O'Walsh

The naysayer, the criticizer, the negative person, seems to delight in finding what's wrong in any person. The truth is, even the most angelic of people will have faults and failures. You don't have to look long or hard to find them.

If you seek the good in people, you might be pleasantly surprised at what you find. For everyone has some redeeming quality, some goodness in them. Seeking the good in others puts you in a very positive frame of mind, and if you have a somewhat cynical view of the human race, it can turn that around. It is a happy habit to cultivate.

Elementary school teachers sometimes work at "catching" their students being good, praising them and letting parents know the child got caught being good. It builds self-esteem, and has the added bonus of improved behavior. What works with children often works with adults. Why not start trying to catch people being good, kind, generous, funny, wonderful? For someone who has had little praise in their lives, your genuine recognition of the good in them (not flattery, by the way) may make a big difference in their world.

Susan

Pretty Is As Pretty Does

My maternal grandmother had a remarkable cache of phrases, not unlike Forrest Gump's mama in the movie by the same name. As a child, I sometimes did not understand some of the things she said. But now that I am a grandmother myself, I totally get what she was trying to convey. And maybe sometimes she was saying random things just to be funny; maybe she had no idea what she actually meant.

But "pretty is as pretty does" is one I understood as a young girl. Now that I am what some might call a woman of a "certain age," I believe it even more true than ever. Almost all young people are beautiful. Full of life and vitality, dewy complexions, they are just cute. But that kind of beauty fades, and as people age, who they really are seems to shine through. There is nothing uglier than a bitter old person. And nothing more beautiful than one whose inner grace and joy is written all over the face. We can be both pretty on the outside and on the inside, through beautiful acts of kindness for others. Grandma would be pleased.

Susan

Candle and Mirror

"There are two ways of spreading light; to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it." Edith Wharton

When I went through a dark period in my life, I would fall asleep immediately at night, but was awake by 3 or 4 AM, unable to go back to sleep. How happy I was on those mornings when the sun finally came up. No matter how tough the day before had been, no matter how restless the night, the morning light can bring with it hope and promise.

Light gives warmth. Light illuminates. How I longed to be a candle, joyful and bright, passionate about life, but during this time my light was flickering and just about out. I was a mirror, reflecting the light of those bright luminaries around me. How grateful I am for those people.

Now I am a candle once again, for that is the way life goes. Up and down, ebb and flow, joy and sorrow. But as long as we are here, we can share light with those around us, and each serves a purpose, candle or mirror. Our light gives warmth and illumination for the journey.

Susan

Dreams

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined." Henry David Thoreau

Young people dream outrageous dreams, fueled by their creative imaginations. Sit down on the floor and play with a five-year-old and you will be amazed at what that little mind can conjure up. Many as children have dreamed and imagined a life...a profession, an exciting hobby, a sports career, travel to an exotic place, the list is as endless as that young person's imagination. As they grow up, cold water gets thrown on them or the kids simply see that their ideas are less than practical. So the life they imagine gets put on the shelf next to those little toy cars, the action figures and the Little League trophy.

Well, maybe some of those dreams are out of reach, but not all of them are. The life you imagined has some possibility to it, or your mind would not have conceived it in the first place. And as long as you still have breath, it's not too late to make your dreams come true.

Susan


Dance As If No One is Watching

I would oftent think of myself as a dorky dancer. Now, I could take dance lessons and I'll bet I would do just fine. But for years I wouldn't dance because I didn't dance well. What is up with that? Not enjoy something because you aren't perfect at it? I would have had a lot more fun if I would have just danced. The world is a beautiful, wonderful place and we experience so little of it because of our own perceived limitations and inhibitions. Why sit on the sidelines? Just get up and dance.

Susan

Friday, April 2, 2010

Hero in Your Soul

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours." Ayn Rand

Each one of us is born a complete package. We have within us everything we will ever need. We possess unique talents, limitless potential, inner strength. We need not look outside ourselves to find the inspiration and tools to live and survive and thrive. We possess it all. Often we are unaware of this miraculous fact.

For some of us, a parent failed to nurture us properly to help us see what we are and all that we can be. Sadly, some have been lied to as children, for we were told that we were unlovable or stupid or bad. Others may have blossomed as children, but the adversities of life have worn us down. But each one of us has a hero in the soul. One who will champion us, so that we can champion others.

Susan