Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Self Esteem
A UCLA researcher has discovered a gene she believes relates to optimism and self esteem. It's that old "nature vs nurture" debate. We humans are a combination of hard wiring and environment. It's not really nature vs nurture, but nature and nurture interacting with each other. That newborn baby enters this life as a complete package, but the important people in her life will certainly have an influence on her.
Are you, as Dexter Holland cleverly phrases it, a sucker with no self esteem? The obvious solution for the guy in the song is to simply break up with the girl who treats him so badly. A healthy self concept is something we can control, and it can start out in simple baby steps, by not allowing people to treat you badly.
So maybe the bad news is you don't have the gene for high self esteem and/or your parents didn't have a clue. But the good news is, you get to take it from here. You have control of your life, and how you feel about yourself doesn't rest in a gene or in your parents' hands. It's in your hands, how you feel about yourself, how you live your life, how you relate to other people. I know it works because I have done it. Not perfectly, but I have gone from low to medium to high self-esteem. I love the person I am. Can you truthfully say that about yourself? And if not, why not start today?
Susan
At What Price Peace?
"Even peace may be purchased at too high a price." Benjamin Franklin
She calls herself the peacemaker. The middle child of five, and the only girl, she is sandwiched on either side by brothers. The roles we learn to play as kids can carry over into adult life. She and her siblings are now in their 30's and 40's, but the roles are still the same. The eldest brother is the overachiever, the second is the rebel, she is the peacemaker, next is the one she calls the invisible one, and the baby is, well, the baby. With an aversion to drama and confrontation, she keeps the peace in almost every relationship in her life. With her siblings and her parents, her husband and colleagues at work. She smooths things over when she should be talking them out. She swallows her feelings when she should be speaking her mind. She mediates disputes when they are none of her business.
I will agree that peace is a wonderful thing. Peace (peace of mind) is in my opinion, life's greatest blessing. But at what price? As she approaches her 40th birthday, she suffers from a variety of stress-related illnesses. She eats well and exercises daily, but it seems that years of trying to keep the peace have exacted a very high price from her body. The chest pains that sent her to the emergency room were a wake up call for her.
The sad thing is, with all her peacemaking she has not made peace. Just because people aren't fighting and arguing, not using hurtful words, doesn't mean there is peace. If you have ever been in the same room with a quiet person who is silently seething, you know exactly what I mean. Peace is not the absence of conflict, but dealing with the conflict that is a natural part of life in a healthy way.
Susan
She calls herself the peacemaker. The middle child of five, and the only girl, she is sandwiched on either side by brothers. The roles we learn to play as kids can carry over into adult life. She and her siblings are now in their 30's and 40's, but the roles are still the same. The eldest brother is the overachiever, the second is the rebel, she is the peacemaker, next is the one she calls the invisible one, and the baby is, well, the baby. With an aversion to drama and confrontation, she keeps the peace in almost every relationship in her life. With her siblings and her parents, her husband and colleagues at work. She smooths things over when she should be talking them out. She swallows her feelings when she should be speaking her mind. She mediates disputes when they are none of her business.
I will agree that peace is a wonderful thing. Peace (peace of mind) is in my opinion, life's greatest blessing. But at what price? As she approaches her 40th birthday, she suffers from a variety of stress-related illnesses. She eats well and exercises daily, but it seems that years of trying to keep the peace have exacted a very high price from her body. The chest pains that sent her to the emergency room were a wake up call for her.
The sad thing is, with all her peacemaking she has not made peace. Just because people aren't fighting and arguing, not using hurtful words, doesn't mean there is peace. If you have ever been in the same room with a quiet person who is silently seething, you know exactly what I mean. Peace is not the absence of conflict, but dealing with the conflict that is a natural part of life in a healthy way.
Susan
Friday, September 23, 2011
Contentment or Complacency
"Being contented ought to mean in English, as it does in French, being pleased. Being content with an attic ought not to mean being unable to move from it and being resigned to live in it; it ought to mean appreciating all there is in such a position." Gilbert K. Chesterton
When I hear of one living in an attic, Anne Frank immediately comes to mind. Her famous diary gives us a glimpse into the soul of this remarkable teenager. One of my favorite quotes is from Miss Frank: "I don't think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains."
The secret to contentment is to be fully present in the moment, to savor life as it is today. Once you learn to be content (and it is a learning process) you ensure that no matter your circumstances, you will always be able to find happiness. But we must be careful not to allow contentment to turn into complacency. While we can appreciate all that the attic has to offer, we must never lower our expectations and be satisfied with living there permanently. There are grand things ahead for those of us willing to challenge ourselves, for those of us not content with the status quo.
Susan
When I hear of one living in an attic, Anne Frank immediately comes to mind. Her famous diary gives us a glimpse into the soul of this remarkable teenager. One of my favorite quotes is from Miss Frank: "I don't think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains."
The secret to contentment is to be fully present in the moment, to savor life as it is today. Once you learn to be content (and it is a learning process) you ensure that no matter your circumstances, you will always be able to find happiness. But we must be careful not to allow contentment to turn into complacency. While we can appreciate all that the attic has to offer, we must never lower our expectations and be satisfied with living there permanently. There are grand things ahead for those of us willing to challenge ourselves, for those of us not content with the status quo.
Susan
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