Nothing Personal

A classic break up line is, "It's not you. It's me." It lets the other person off the hook. It's a cliche, but it is often true. Not just in romantic relationships, but life in general.

Not long ago I was speaking with a woman who works in customer service. Part of her job is to offer the customer additional products. She said she hates that and is embarrassed to try to sell the customer something. She said, "They might get mad." When the customer tells her no, she takes that as a personal rejection. She is a sweet person, but she needs to either make a career change or develop a thicker skin.

It's the same with relationships with acquaintances, family and friends. Ninety percent of the time when we feel hurt, offended, insulted or rejected by other people it has absolutely nothing to do with us. It is about them, what happened to them or what they are going through at the moment, and it has nothing to do with us. We didn't do anything or say anything wrong to provoke them; we just happened to be around them that day. They didn't wake up that morning thinking of some way they could be mean to us. It was nothing personal. Having a sensitive nature can be great it if causes you to treat others well; it can be a curse if it makes you take things personally. (That's not to discount the small group of people who actually are intentionally cruel. Those toxic people need to be avoided, or any contact you have with them needs to be minimized.)

Growing thicker skin does not mean you have to become a cold, calloused person. I think those who have a healthy self-esteem, who believe they are good people, tend to give others the benefit of the doubt as well. If you would not intentionally be hurtful to someone else, why not assume that most other people are that way, too?

It's not all about you.

Susan