She is wise beyond her years, a true "old soul" in the body of a young girl. We were on the sad subject of abuse, one I wish I could shield her from. Yet it is a fact in her life, and it resonated with her when I shared the story of my childhood. There is something very comforting and good in knowing we are not alone, and because I am someone she seems to admire, I think my words meant a lot to her.
There was a moment of silence, and then she said, "Maybe my mom and dad are mean to me and your mom was mean to you because they want us to be tough." I had never thought about that before. We talked about that, and I told her that the job of parents is to teach and guide and to prepare kids for life when they grow up, but that to be mean in doing that is simply wrong. And that mean people are not tough themselves. They are usually weak bullies who enjoy hurting someone smaller than they are.
Anyone who knows me would likely say I am a strong person. I am also resilient, with a great ability to bounce back from adversity. Resourceful might be another word used to describe me, because as a survivor I know how to take my environment and make it work for me.
Was my mother trying to make me tough? I know she was an unhappy person with a very pessimistic, bitter view of life, so maybe in some twisted way she was trying to prepare me for the "real world." There is a softness to me that some mistake as weakness, and maybe she saw it and thought she needed to fix that.
But the thing is, life is not some painful experience meant only to be endured. Life is beautiful. Most people are good. And even the worst of times has a way of bringing out the best in us as human beings. I have been called upon to be strong and I have been called upon to be brave. Sometimes I have risen to the occasion, and other times I have fallen short.
But tough? For everything that I've been through, I am not tough at all. And my little friend? If she is correct and her parents are trying to make her tough, well, I hope they fail. Miserably.
Susan
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"Most people are good." I remember when I realized that this was true, and that I believed it; I was in my mid-30s. It's when I shook off my early-life despair and started to become a true adult.
ReplyDeleteToughness is something few of us, thankfully, have to have in order to do our part. Compassion, resilience, faith: these are what most people need to survive, thrive, and contribute to the world.
Knowing that most people are good means that I have a baseline of trust toward people. They don't have to prove themselves to me. I already trust them unless they give me reason not to. And if that doesn't happen, the trust grows as time goes on.
ReplyDeleteThis is very important to me because I want to trust. I have a need to trust. Being distrustful makes me feel really bad.
It also helps a natural introvert like me, because trusting that most people are good means that I will step outside of my comfort zone more and be friendly and outgoing.