Of Knights and Owls and Night Owls

It was almost two years ago, when my granddaughters and I set off for one of our adventures. They were longtime veterans of Build-A-Bear, but it was my first time. Have you ever been? It is a wonderful place, where you make your own plush toy. I had checked out the website before we went to the mall, so I had an idea of what it was going to cost to really do it right. The girls were delighted that I was going to make a stuffed animal, too. I am not one of those adults who take kids places and quietly observe while they have fun. I love to join in. My older granddaughter made a cute bear with glasses, just like the ones she wears. Her younger sister made a bunny. We got all sorts of accessories. Glasses and hats and underwear and shoes. It was a lot of money, but I taught my granddaughters a new word that day: splurge.

Grandma made an owl. A boy owl. Dressed like a knight. A knight owl. Night owl; get it? When he saw the picture, my older brother said he looked like an astronaut. My owl still sits in my bedroom with the giant Panda my younger son (the girls' uncle) won for me at the county fair when he was nine.

I had the owl for a few months, when one night I took his knight costume off. It was during that twilighty time at night when I get up to go to the bathroom. Not fully awake, but not really sleeping either. I vaguely remembered coming back from the bathroom and taking off his armour. And sure enough, the next morning I awoke to see him  in his natural owliness, and the knight stuff laying beside him. I put it in the back of a dresser drawer, and he hasn't had it on since.

I shared this story at the time with my niece, and she said that maybe I didn't need my armour anymore. So I guess it was symbolic. His armour is in the the back of a dresser drawer, if he ever needs it, but he hasn't and a year and half has gone by already.

The past day or two I've been thinking about protection. I know how to protect myself, if I need to. But it no longer gives me any pride or satisfaction to know that. Like any survivor, I learned it as a means to take care of myself, and it was appropriate at the time. Our human brains come factory equipped with protective devices, defense mechanisms. Helpful in the moment, but once the danger is over, they have no use, other than to inhibit an otherwise healthy, happy life.

My armour has been useful to me, but it was a cold comfort when those charged with my protection failed me. I wrote about this in Be A Man. I'm happy I don't need to protect myself anymore. Oh, I'll always know I can if I have to, but my belief and my intention is that I won't ever need my armour ever again. Ever.

Susan