The Second Time Around

This morning a text came up from my BFF, my oldest friend. It is only 333 days till her wedding. Interestingly enough, it was 35 years ago today that I was a bridesmaid in her first wedding. Our dresses were amazing for 1977, but hilarious by today's standards. Floor length peach dresses with fake brown fur trimmed hoods and fake brown muffs with orange flowers on them. The second time around, her daughter will be her maid of  honor, but she has asked me to be the reader, which I consider a big honor and responsibility.

The first time around, I didn't care for her fiance, and I thought about having a frank talk with her before the wedding. But I didn't think she'd hear it, and maybe it wasn't my place, and perhaps it would damage our friendship. So I didn't. Her first husband isn't a bad guy, and they were together twenty years and had three kids. So he is a part of who she is, a huge part of her journey.

The second time around, I reserved judgment for a long time. Nothing I would say would hurt our friendship, so I felt free to say whatever needed to be said. I told her of a few trivial things I didn't like, but for the most part I have been really impressed with this man, who I have come to call my BFFIL. One day he did something that so did it for me, and then I knew. So I texted her, "I approve." We make a joke of it, because of course she doesn't need my approval.  But this wedding will be a lot more fun for me, because my heart will be 100% in it.

My BFF and BFFIL almost never happened. They went to high school together, and while they knew of each other, never dated or even ran in the same circles. The 30th class reunion was coming up, and he decided he wasn't going to come in from out of town to attend. She had bought a new dress to wear and planned to go, but that morning decided it just didn't sound like fun anymore.

Then his friends coerced him into going, and late that afternoon, she thought what the heck, it's better than staying at home on a Saturday night. So they each went to the reunion, he came over to talk to her, sparks flew, and they spent the whole evening and into the wee hours of the morning talking. That started a long distance relationship that lasted several years, and now they live not only in the same city, but the same house.

They have often talked about what their lives would have been like had they gotten together back in high school. She knows for sure she would not have appreciated him and enjoyed him the way she does now. It's hard not to draw comparisons, between her first husband and this man, who is everything he is not and all in a good way.

She is very thankful for her future husband, and she admits it is in large part because of the hard times she went through in her first marriage. So it's Thanksgiving, and here we are. A lot older and a little wiser, and able to more fully appreciate the richness of life and love.

The bride already has her dress, but my super fun dress shopping is still ahead of me. There are not a lot of things in life any better for me than having a special occasion and finding the perfect dress for it. She chose the peach and brown the first time around, but this time she said her daughter and I can wear anything we want. We will all consult and talk about it, and she has final veto power, as the bride.

Isn't life wonderful, how it gives us second chances, second times around for not just love, but everything? And all we have to do is take them. 333 days and counting.

Susan