Tough

She is wise beyond her years, a true "old soul" in the body of a young girl. We were on the sad subject of abuse, one I wish I could shield her from. Yet it is a fact in her life, and it resonated with her when I shared the story of my childhood. There is something very comforting and good in knowing we are not alone, and because I am someone she seems to admire, I think my words meant a lot to her.

There was a moment of silence, and then she said, "Maybe my mom and dad are mean to me and your mom was mean to you because they want us to be tough." I had never thought about that before. We talked about that, and I told her that the job of parents is to teach and guide and to prepare kids for life when they grow up, but that to be mean in doing that is simply wrong. And that mean people are not tough themselves. They are usually weak bullies who enjoy hurting someone smaller than they are.

Anyone who knows me would likely say I am a strong person. I am also resilient, with a great ability to bounce back from adversity. Resourceful might be another word used to describe me, because as a survivor I know how to take my environment and make it work for me.

Was my mother trying to make me tough? I know she was an unhappy person with a very pessimistic, bitter view of life, so maybe in some twisted way she was trying to prepare me for the "real world." There is a softness to me that some mistake as weakness, and maybe she saw it and thought she needed to fix that.

But the thing is, life is not some painful experience meant only to be endured. Life is beautiful. Most people are good. And even the worst of times has a way of bringing out the best in us as human beings. I have been called upon to be strong and I have been called upon to be brave. Sometimes I have risen to the occasion, and other times I have fallen short.

But tough? For everything that I've been through, I am not tough at all. And my little friend? If she is correct and her parents are trying to make her tough, well, I hope they fail. Miserably.

Susan

Soft and Strong

It's one of the most controversial subjects in America today, with citizens taking sides. Toilet paper: soft or strong? Go down to your local store and stand in the toilet paper aisle you and will see exactly what I mean. Some of the packages say SOFT! Soft is the only way to go, right? But wait. Some of the packages say STRONG! Well, strong is important, too, I suppose. Then there are those wafflers, those centrists, those middle of the roaders who can't seem to take a stand on anything. SOFT AND STRONG!

Soft and strong. Which brings me to mothers, since Sunday is Mother's Day here in the United States. The ideal mom is a combination of soft and strong. When you get hurt and you're bleeding and you're scared, you want to run to Mom and have her hug you all soft and squishy like. But you also need her to be strong, because you could be bleeding to death and if she starts to freak and fall apart, well where would you be? Moms should always be that soft place to land, a place where everything is good in  your world, where you feel all loved and cared for and warm and fuzzy. But the soft place you landed in needs to be strong underneath all that softness, to hold you up and support you.

Are you lucky enough to have a mom like that? Not everyone does. Mother's Day can be a tough holiday for those who perhaps have lost a mom, who are estranged from mom, who perhaps really never had a mom.

No matter how old we get, we never outgrow our need for a soft place to land. I know we may look all competent and confident on the outside, carrying our briefcases and wearing our suits, driving around going to important places, but inside each of us still lives a child who sometimes just needs that warm and fuzzy, soft and strong place.

Are you lucky enough to have someone in your life (doesn't need to be your mom) who is your soft place to land? And more important, are YOU that soft place for anyone?

Susan