Roughly Translated

"A man hears only what he understands." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

One of my college classes is Elementary Spanish. My professor is a lovely woman from Madrid who believes in total immersion. She rarely speaks English to us and doesn't like it when we do. Early in the semester, at one point she stopped abruptly in class and said, "Stop translating every word I say into English!" We chuckled because it was true. We were shouting out what she was saying in an attempt to make some sense of it. I have learned that not every word in English has an exact Spanish equivalent. I guess that's where the phrase "roughly translated" comes from.

Communication can be tricky, even between two native speakers of American English. People have different styles of communication which further complicates it. There is a difference between what we say and what the other person actually hears. This would be one of the reasons testimony in a court room is recorded, so it can be read back at any time. This would be one reason why a marriage counselor sits with the husband and the wife as they talk. We hear what people say based on our own comprehension and interpretation of language, but also on who is speaking. If the relationship is secure and we believe the one talking loves us, we tend to give them the benefit of the doubt. If it's shaky or we think they don't like us, we have a tendency to take everything they say in a negative way. We also hear based on our experiences in life.

She and her boyfriend had broken up. He initiated the breakup, but did it in a kind and reassuring way. She didn't believe a word he said. "He's just trying not to hurt my feelings," she said. She took the breakup as a wholesale commmentary on the validity of the relationship, their love for each other, and her worth as a human being. He said that they had become too serious (both of them are in their mid-20's) and he wasn't ready for that. That's what he said. What she heard was, "Our relationship meant nothing to me. We lived a lie. I never had any feelings for you. You are a worthless person." Wow! Talk about a failure to communicate. Apparently, what she heard is what she believes about herself and her world.

That's an extreme example, but I think this kind of thing happens a lot. We need to be careful listeners, take people's words at face value without spinning them to fit our own agenda.

Susan