Ouch

"Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you." Roger Ebert

I think everyone should be in therapy at some point in life. I don't mean that sarcastically. Life can be very challenging. My therapist is a wonderful woman who has helped me immensely. I know, like in any profession, not every therapist is competent, but I think it's worth it to find one who is, and to continue to search until we do. I was fortunate to find a great one on my first attempt.

During the last year of my marriage, I went to see her for the first time. I had done some research and thought she might help us. He refused to go, but snarkily suggested that I go, since I was the one with the problem. I was good with that. I have no problem being the identified patient.

I had never suggested counseling before that, because I didn't want to hear what a counselor might say. And I certainly wasn't ready to act on it. Finally, I was. You see, I had been telling myself that I was confused. That our relationship was very complicated. That sort of stuff.

There in her office, in the space of 50 minutes, it all became very simple. She didn't say a lot. I did most of the talking, and she asked some questions. She allowed me to draw my own conclusions. That is very smart, because there is no real change until we want it. And while it would be months before I left, it started the process that I had needed.

One of the most helpful things she did was validate the emotions I had been feeling all along. I am a smart girl. I had been told that since as long as I could remember. I took an IQ test in high school with a result of 131. All my life, I had trusted my intellect. But my emotions? I didn't like to put much stock in them. I didn't trust them. All of that started to change, I think, back at that first visit with my therapist.

She did warn me not to do anything that might provoke my husband, and I took that advice. But she said that with other people, if they say something hurtful, why not respond with a simple, "Ouch." Don't you just love it?

Now with the benefit of years, I can look back and see that while it certainly seemed confusing, my emotions never lied. I am still a smart girl. That is never going to change. But I will not allow myself to have my intellect be my excuse anymore. I am learning to trust my emotions, as I grow. At times it feels a bit scary and swirly, because going with how I feel is outside my comfort zone.

So since my emotions will never lie to me, I think I need to trust them. And that is just smart.

Susan

Film critic and Pulitzer Prize winner Roger Ebert died yesterday at the age of 70.