Three years ago I started Hero In Your Soul. During that time, I have averaged a post every couple of days. I didn't set out to start a blog for the sake of having a blog, and I certainly didn't think of myself as a writer. A couple of friends had an idea for a non-profit, and they said they wanted to include me. Another friend suggested we have a blog to promote it, and since I felt like I was "pretty good" at writing, I said I would start the blog. They never did get their idea off the ground, but the blog over time has taken on a life of its own.
I can't even imagine my life without Hero In Your Soul. It is a part of who I am, as I am a part of it. At first, I would think of things I could write about and then write. Then I began to just write, without any ideas at all, and in the process of writing just words and phrases and such, a post would come together. At first, I was very careful about what I wrote, but as time goes on I have loosened up some. It reflects my own journey, the blog mirroring my real life and my real life mirroring the blog.
One of the best things about it is this; I have seen things come out of me in the process of writing that I didn't even know were there. When I started the blog, I was in a cocoon of sorts. I lived a very contained life, having left my marriage and my home ten months earlier. I was living in a house where I rented a room. I had a new job, and was taking one night class at college, my first college class ever. The financial part of my divorce proceedings had been resolved, and I exhaled knowing that I would have a small cushion of money.
The ten months prior to Hero In Your Soul were spent doing lots and lots of journaling, my first foray into any kind of writing after many years. I would sit on my bed (no room for a desk) with my legs crossed, and write on sheets and sheets of notebook paper. The things I could not talk about yet made their way on to the paper.
All I wanted back then was some peace. The first night I lived in that house, I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. For months I slept without dreaming, the peace and safety enveloping me like a cocoon. I still believe that one of life's greatest gifts is peace, and mine felt very hard won.
The cocoon served its purpose, and slowly I emerged. Okay now. This is the part where I tell you I am this amazingly beautiful butterfly fluttering around, but I am not going to get all poetic on you. I still feel peaceful, and I still feel safe, but of course, if you have been reading for any length of time, I want a lot more out of life.
What do I want? I want it all. Everything life has to offer, even the icky and painful stuff. And you will get to read about it, as time unfolds, because I don't plan to go away. Thank you for reading. I hope I never waste your time, because when you read you give me the only thing any of us possesses...time. I thank you for that.
What do you want? I hope you want it all, too, because otherwise, what is the point?
Susan
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Congratulations, Susan. It's been wonderful watching you become more of a writer in the past year. People think that to be great writers there are techniques they need to study and carefully apply, when really, what it takes to be a great writer is to write, and write more, and always think about what worked and what did not work in the process of writing and in its end result. Before you know it, the skills you once admired so much in other writers have been added to your own toolset, seemingly without trying, and you find you are using them to express your own voice, rather than to emulate another voice that you admired. Anyway, I have seen this happen with you, and it's great.
ReplyDeleteIn answer to your last question: Of course I want it all, but I also want to learn how to live with not having the things that I am not fated to have. To want, but not to be consumed by desire. To have the "attitude of gratitude"—to borrow a platitude!
What a lovely thing to say, Kevan. I thank you for being a part of my journey.
ReplyDeleteAttitude, gratitude, platitude, platypus. Borrowing a platitude is good, but borrowing a platypus (even for just a day) would be way more fun.