On the Shelf

In a recent post, "Dress," I say that Lilly Pulitzer dresses are too expensive for me. And they are, if you go by the retail price of a new one. Today I stopped by one of my favorite stores, a consignment shop, and there were two of her dresses for $20 each, right there, hanging on the rack. Pristine condition. It's likely they belonged to the same person, because they were priced the same and were the same size, and although different colors, very similar patterns. I could see where the same woman would have liked both of them.

While the dresses were too big for me and the patterns and colors weren't my style, I now have to retract what I wrote Sunday. Some Lilly Pulitzer dresses are not too expensive for me. At all. And I have a feeling there will be one, in my price range, and just my size, and exactly what I love, in the near future.

It is a small, but I think significant example, of the way I limit myself. Just because I am of modest means when it comes to money, doesn't mean I can't have wonderful things. (Remember "The Pink Sweater"?)

So in what other ways am I holding myself back? Where else am I telling myself that I can't have this, and I can't have that, and that would never happen, and that's not for me? In "Cocoon," I very brazenly said that I want it all, but maybe there is a part of me that is afraid of having it all. And if that is so, I could be quietly sabotaging my own progress, success and fulfillment.

I was reading about Trent Reznor, most famous for being the lead singer of "Nine Inch Nails." It surprised me to find that he was born and raised in a town not far from my little town in Pennsylvania. In an interview with Rolling Stone, he is quoted as saying something that perfectly expresses how I felt about that area. I wrote a little about that place in "Go West, Young Woman!"

"I don't know why I want to do these things, other than my desire to escape from Small Town, USA, to dismiss the boundaries, to explore. It isn't a bad place where I grew up, but there was nothing going on but the cornfields. My life experience came from watching movies, watching TV and reading books and looking at magazines. And when your f****** culture comes from watching TV every day, you're bombarded with images of things that seem cool, places that seem interesting, people who have jobs and careers and opportunities. None of that happened where I was. You're almost taught to realize it's not you."  (Boldface is mine.) 

My intention is to become aware of ways I might be limiting myself. Where I might be standing in my own way. I am happy to tell you that I was wrong about the Lilly. I stand corrected. And I really, really don't want to be stuck up on the shelf. Or hanging on the rack, as the case may be.

Susan

"Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town" written by Eddie Vedder