Several years ago, I made a decision that would literally change my life. I decided to be happy. I wrote about it one of my first posts, Focus. Have you noticed that some people are very happy being unhappy? Whatever the cause of their misery, they refuse to make even the smallest change. Do they fear the unknown? Has unhappiness become such a habit that they can't break it? Or are they comfortable in their misery? Maybe so. Perhaps over time, being unhappy becomes their "normal," and they just don't want to live any differently.
Stepping outside of one's comfort zone can be difficult and scary, and at first we can feel like a stranger in a strange land. Everything is so odd and awkward, and we want to skitter back from whence we came. Where it's safe. Where it's comfortable. Breaking old habits and replacing them with good, new ones is hard work.
When I chose to be happy, it had serious repercussions in my life. I was not so hard on myself anymore. I grew to like myself and eventually love myself. I was married at the time, and my husband was an unhappy person, and I had failed to make him happy. I decided that I was going to be happy, since I was the only person I could change. The happier I became in and of myself, the more unhappy I became in my marriage. The contrast between how he viewed life and how I viewed life became quite stark. It was during this time that the gulf between us became so great it would never be bridged. While in some ways he treated me quite well, the cycle of verbal and emotional abuse started to become very evident. I think since the children were grown, I finally allowed myself to see it. The only time I was unhappy was when I was with him. The only time I felt bad about myself was when he was mean to me. I guess I thought if I chose to be happy, I could better tolerate my marriage, but it had the opposite effect. It highlighted how bad things really were.
Now, years later, happiness is just my default setting. A positive attitude is simply how I view life. Of course, bad things happen and I have sad times just like anyone else. But mostly I focus on joy and beauty, and I almost always find it. And when there is none to be found, I create it. Life still asks me to step outside my comfort zone, just in different ways now. Sometimes I hold back. Usually there's a little bit of fear. And then I say to myself, "Come on, Susie, just do it." There's something good waiting out there for me.
And for you, too.
Susan
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