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Lately it has occurred to me that sometimes I think really small. Is it to manage expectations and not be disappointed? With some extra time between semesters, I have been working more than usual on my novel. I am not churning out page after page, but I am making some important refinements with my characters. When I work on my novel, I think big. Very big. It takes some very big thinking to believe that I will have a completed book some day, that after some more editing and rework, will be in the hands of people who will enjoy it. I go to the public library and see all the books there with the names of the authors, and I know that one day my name will be among them. I walk into a book store and see my book and my name there. I walk into a coffee shop and see people reading on their Kindles and think that one day they will be reading what I write. Then I think oh my gosh, am I arrogant to think that? Maybe I should just skitter back and be really small and not so braggy or something. Working on my novel stretches me, not just because it challenges me as a writer in ways that this blog does not, but because it makes me think big.

I don't want to be famous or well known. I think that would just mostly be annoying. I love the creative process. And I think I have something to say. I think my characters are fascinating, and while I don't even have the storyline completely fleshed out yet, I think my book is going to be great.

It is almost like I have to write, or I will explode. Not long ago, the writer of a blog I read occasionally said her husband threatened to make her quit blogging, and I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I can't even begin to wrap my head around how I would feel if I couldn't blog anymore. I have been bouncing around the idea of starting another blog, and making it more of a private thing so I could really let loose and write everything I want to write. Dump out my brain and empty my heart and spill my guts all over the place. Then I think, how will I do that? How will I work on my novel, write two blogs, work my full-time job and be a full-time student? That kind of thinking is small, isn't it? It limits me.

Writing used to take a lot out of me, and now it seems to feed me and energize me. I get so much more out of it than I put in. So I am going to continue to think big, with my writing and with my life in general. I can be more, if I want to be. I can have more, if I want it.

And how about you? Are you a small thinker like I am sometimes? Are there areas in your life where you could think bigger? I believe there is always more than I think or believe or know. For me. And for you, too.

The Pooh books are written by A. A. Milne.

Susan