Parenthood

Today is my older son's birthday. Thirty-two years ago, he came to this planet. I knew his biological mother. My ex-husband and his first wife adopted him when he was a baby, and years later I became stepmother to him and his younger brother. His brother is the biological child of my ex-husband and his first wife. I was the mom in their home, but I encouraged and supported their relationship with their "real" mother. I wanted them to feel wanted and loved by her, and they do. And my older son met his birth mother when he was a teenager. Are you confused yet?

I was thirty-three when I married. I was thrilled to have a ready made family, my husband and his two wonderful boys. I never did have a "baby of my own," as some people phrase it, but I never have felt like I missed out on anything. I don't know how I could love anyone any more than I love those two guys, who are now adult men. They are my greatest blessings. My greatest joys. It was my honor and my privilege to help raise them, and believe me when I say I have learned way more from them than they learned from me.

The president of Russia is threatening to forbid Americans from adopting children in Russian orphanages. Certainly those children deserve loving parents, but why not look in our own backyard? There are currently around 70,000 children in foster care in the United States who are eligible to be adopted, meaning that their biological parents' rights have been terminated. They are all good to go, ready to be a part of a forever family.

Yet the average stay in foster care for a child is three years, and many of them stay in foster care until they are 18 and age out of the system. Is the reason these kids are not being adopted because they are not babies and toddlers? Is that why prospective parents who are affluent enough to do it pursue foreign adoptions; to adopt a baby? As a child grows older, the chances of him being adopted lessen. Yet older kids need loving parents, too. Many of them have challenges, emotionally and physically and mentally, but maybe their biggest challenge is not having a place they truly belong, with people who will love them forever and ever.

I wish the people who can't have "babies of their own" could step outside their comfort zone enough to experience all the rewards I experienced with "my" sons. I wish they would consider adopting older kids, and not just because of what they could give the kids. But for what these kids could give to them.

Family is not limited to genetic material or DNA. The capacity for love in the human heart transcends who we are at a biological level. It is way more than that. And older kids are every bit as lovable and wonderful as those tiny little infants.

On Christmas day, I spent time with my two sons and was blown away all over again with how much they have enriched my life, and I thought my heart would burst with love for them. And to think that some people miss out on that. It makes me sad. For the kids who need parents. And for the adults who desperately need kids.

Susan