It was one of the rare occasions at work when we weren't crazy busy. The three of us were picking up, straightening up, and trying to recover from a hectic afternoon. There were no customers in line, and we were being silly. Don't tell anyone, but two of us were dancing to a Whitney Houston tune on the Musak.
One of the women asked me, "Have you always been a free spirit?" I was sort of shocked, because I have never, ever thought of myself as a free spirit. She went on to say that it seems I am comfortable with myself. I told her I was much more self-conscious as a younger woman, a little more concerned about what people thought about me. But one of the wonderful things about getting older is that I don't care so much anymore.
Now don't get me wrong. There are some people whose opinion is very important to me. I hope I don't run around hurting people's feelings or being inconsiderate, but there is a freedom to my life now, a freedom to be who I am. Maybe it's because now I have started to figure out who I am. How can you be yourself when you aren't sure who you are?
One of the things my dear roommate has helped me with is how to talk about things right up front, in a direct way, so that resentment doesn't creep in. She and I have a very close friendship, and we respect each other, but if something is bothering one of us, we speak up right away. This does not come naturally to me, and I am grateful for her help in this way. I want to know if something I do bothers the person who lives with me, and I can change and I can compromise.
The funny thing about being called a free spirit is, I really like structure and need it. I also am a rule follower, if the rules make sense. I like to know where the boundaries are. I am a good follower, if I respect the leader. I wrote about this in more detail in Fence Me In.
But if a free spirit is someone who doesn't apologize for who she is, I guess that would be me. And if a free spirit dances whenever she can, then sign me up.
"I Wanna Dance With Somebody" written by George Merrill and Shannon Rubicam
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