Doubt

It is morning. I can hear the sounds of the parking lot outside, with people opening and closing their car doors and leaving for work or school. Daylight is peeking around the blinds, and then I notice him. Sitting in an armchair in the corner of my bedroom is Doubt. Why is Doubt always a man? And since when is there an armchair in the corner of my bedroom? It looks like a comfortable chair, and he appears to be very comfortable. Was he watching me sleep? Because that is creepy. Was he waiting for me to wake? It certainly seems that way. I haven't even used the bathroom yet. I haven't even had my coffee, and he begins to speak.

I don't know him that well. My friend, who tends to be a worrier, is going through a struggle right now, and she says her best friends are Worry and Dread. I want to tell you that Doubt is not my best friend. He's not even a casual friend. More like an acquaintance that I seldom see. I am a fairly confident person, and I don't hang out much with Doubt.

Yet there he was, just waiting for me to wake up so he could chat. I let him talk and I didn't say anything in response. I got out of bed and walked downstairs, and he followed me. I went into the bathroom, and came out to the kitchen to put the water on for coffee. I ground the coffee beans, and all the time he was talking to me.

I put the freshly ground coffee into the French press, and poured the hot water in and tried to wait for eight minutes, which is the perfect time to make perfect coffee. He kept on, and I have to admit he was having an effect on me. I poured my coffee, and opened the blinds in the living room, and sat down to enjoy it.

Doubt is very cunning. He doesn't come right out and say that it can't be done. He causes me to question. And not in a good way. That is why he's not a friend. A friend will point out both the upside and the downside, and help you navigate around. Point out some things you may have not thought about on your own. Give you things to consider. That's what friends do, all the while wanting the best for you. That is not what Doubt does.

I finished my coffee, and it was yummy. Then I went about my day, getting ready for work, and by the time I walked down the street and got into Pink, I noticed that Doubt had wandered off somewhere. Maybe he had someone else to talk to, someone who was a little more receptive to what he had to say.

I'd be lying if I said he didn't shake me up a little. He did. I have some pretty big wishes and hopes and dreams and intentions, and I guess I wouldn't be human if Doubt didn't occasionally stop by. But you know what? I didn't welcome him. I didn't even say "Good Morning," or "Excuse me," when I went to the bathroom. I didn't offer him coffee, which is not like me at all. I just let him do what he does, and then I went on with my day.

He came. I allowed it. Then he left. Just like that. There is no armchair in the corner of my bedroom. I suppose Doubt will drop in from time to time, but I won't do anything to make him comfortable.

Susan