Dropping Your Guard

When my younger son played high school football, the mom of one of our defensive players had two signs she would hold up at key times. One sign had the letter "D" on it; the other, a picture of a fence. We would all yell, "Dee! Fence!"

After my first ninety days at a new job, it was time for my performance review. My supervisor said that I accepted criticism very well. "You are remarkably non-defensive," she said. That meant a lot to me, mostly because I was involved in a personal relationship for years where I was told how defensive I was. Isn't it interesting how verbally abusive people label others as being defensive? Maybe it's only natural to defend yourself when you're being attacked.

Any of us interested in self-improvement should welcome correction and criticism. None of us is perfect, and if we want to become all that we can be, certainly we will all need some help along the way. Praise and encouragement are wonderful, but we also sometimes need to hear some hard truths. How sad if those who care about us would be less than honest, unwilling to call us out on stuff because we can't handle the truth about ourselves. How sad if they hesitate to ask for what they want or need from us, because we are so easily offended.

Being prickly and defensive puts people off and inhibits closeness with those we love. It also keeps us from being all that we can be. The vast majority of people have no malicious intent, so why not trust them enough to hear what they have to say and see if it has some merit? It just makes absolutely no sense to go on the defense when we're not even being attacked.

Susan