Do No Harm

In his acceptance speech at the SAG Awards, Daniel Day-Lewis said that when he portrayed Abraham Lincoln, he thought of the admonition, "First, do no harm." For years this has been part of the ethics for physicians. Is a medical treatment apt to do more harm than good? Would it be better to not do anything?

I have been thinking about how this might apply to other situations in life, in general. I try to make all my interactions with others be positive. I fail at this sometimes, if I am having a bad day or if I am distracted. There are also times when I want to "help" and the help would do more harm than good. Like doing something for the person that he should do himself. Overstepping boundaries. Offering unsolicited advice. It is arrogant on my part to think that I can always make things better for other people. Often I can. Sometimes I can't. Other times, my idea of helping is actually not helping at all, and actually makes matters worse.

I need to be learning when my help truly is helpful, and when it could actually cause harm. It is difficult, and requires some maturity, to understand that sometimes I just need to be neutral and leave something alone. Hands off. Walk away. Detach.

The most obvious example in my life is in my interactions with my sons, who are now adult men. It is no longer appropriate, and in fact, would be harmful, for me to continue to treat them as if they were children or teenagers, given the fact that they are 27 and 32. I have been known to say, "Please tell me what I could do that would be helpful." That way they, and not I, determine what they might need from me.

It is not an easy lesson to learn, this "first, do no harm" thing. But it will make me a better person, in all my relationships and all my interactions, as I practice it.

Susan