Focus

"I don't think of the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains." Anne Frank

Let's not bury our heads in the sand. We need a clear-eyed vision of the world as it truly is if we are ever going to affect change, in the world as a whole, or in our own personal lives. We need to proactively right wrongs and make changes in ourselves. There are situations that are beyond our control, and certain things that we simply will never change. Life is at once ugly and beautiful, miserable and joyful. What will be our focus?

During my mid-40's, I went through about two years of some real difficulty. During that time, I made an important decision. I felt that if I focused on the misery, I would simply not make it. So I chose to find some joy in each day, no matter how small it was. I would find one thing that would make me happy, one thing that was beautiful, and squeeze everything I could out of it. I would not wait until this particular trial passed. I couldn't afford to think, "Well, once this is all over, I will finally be happy." I guess you could say I was desperate for joy and beauty.

At first it felt very awkward. I would sort of step back and look at myself, and wonder who was this strange Pollyanna-like character I was becoming? Driving, if I heard a song on the radio I really liked, I would roll down the windows (you can do that almost every day in southern California) crank up the volume and sing along. That made me happy. If someone complimented me on a job well done at work, I would milk that for everything it was worth. I started to praise myself (silently, of course) when I did something great. Beautiful weather was no longer taken for granted. A cute pair of earrings I found for a couple of dollars at a thrift store would give me such joy. It seemed silly, but I didn't care, because it worked! I learned how to be happy by shifting my focus.

Did this new way of looking at life change what I was going through? Not at all. It was still an incredibly painful experience and I was relieved when it was finally over. But I got through it because I had these little episodes of joy. It helped me survive. And I learned the most important lesson in my life: that happiness is a choice. And that if you choose happiness, if you choose to see what is beautiful, you also in the process change yourself. It was during this time that I finally learned to be comfortable in my own skin, that I realized I was a person who was deserving of happiness and joy.

It is not being overly dramatic to say that I changed my life. This attitude, this way of focusing on the beautiful, at some point stopped being something I did. It became a part of who I am and is now (some seven years later) as natural as breathing.

It's all about your focus. The misery is there. Dwell on it and you will become quite miserable. Focus on what is beautiful, choose to be happy, and beauty and happiness will be yours.

Susan