Frankly, My Dear...

As the film opens, we see a beautiful and beautifully dressed young woman, holding court as men fall all over themselves around her. It's that most famous fictional narcissist, Scarlett O'Hara. With all due respect to "Gone With the Wind" author Margaret Mitchell, real life narcissist Sarah Palin is a much better illustration than even Scarlett. I guess truth really is stranger than fiction.

Narcissism has become an over-used term lately, and many folks who are not narcissists are given that label. True narcissism, or narcissistic personality disorder, is a mental illness, with its roots in infancy and toddlerhood. The all-important bonding process that a baby must make with someone, a parent or other caregiver, fails to happen. Many narcissists are victims of other types of child abuse as well. They are among the most intelligent, charming, beautiful and talented people you could ever find. But inside they are empty, devoid of any sort of self-concept and unable to feel empathy. Many books have been written about them, and it has been said they are emotional vampires. They surround themselves with great people, then feed on them until there's nothing left. Then they move on to another victim. Because they can't or won't examine themselves, therapists find narcissists the most difficult people to treat. That is if they ever do get into therapy, because a narcissist even admitting there might be something wrong is a rare occurrence.

Two very important people in my own life were narcissists; one was a man and the other a woman just like Scarlett and Sarah. Things start out wonderfully with a narcissist, then end with you feeling exhausted and spent, as if their bite has sucked your life's blood away. They are, at their core, the most selfish people you will ever find. I am sad for the hurt babies that they used to be, because I understand that even a very poor excuse for a parent can still successfully bond with her child. But I am more than a little tired of people who were once victims becoming perpetrators themselves. No matter what was done to you, you have no right to take it out on everyone else. Those of us who have been fed on do get fed up, eventually. Then the narcissist panics, seeing her supply walking away. She dramatically asks whatever will become of her. Captain Rhett Butler said it perfectly when he told Scarlett, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

Susan