Who Do You Think You Are?

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I, to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?" Marianne Williamson

Her humor crosses the line from self-deprecating to self-loathing. She defends it by saying that it's her family's humor, and her parents emphasized humility above all things. I think her mom and dad had some very strange kind of dictionary at their house, because hating yourself is not humility. Of course, parents don't want to raise children whose heads are so big they no longer fit in the front door. No one enjoys being around a cocky, arrogant person. We want to strike a balance between a healthy self-concept and bragging.

My brother has told me I should share my writing with a local newspaper. After fellow blogger Loudmouth Birdie read my Betty Ford post from yesterday, she said the same thing. So I quickly went online and found the email address of the editor of a small community newspaper, and sent him a short email with a link to my blog. Unlike a paper envelope that can sit on your counter while you debate whether or not to drop it in the mailbox, an email is instant. I hit the "send" button, and it was out there. No turning back. It was exhiliarating, then I heard a voice inside my head that asked, "Who do you think you are?!" The audacity! The unmitigated gall! It threw me for a loop, mostly because I so rarely hear those little demeaning voices anymore. Once I got my bearings, I remembered that this is who I think I am: I am Susan and I am a writer. My Betty Ford post is some of my best work. When I was done with it, I read it another time and thought, "Oh, I am getting really good at this." Maybe that was bragging, or maybe it was the truth. Actually, that post was so good it kind of scared me. Scary in a good way, like the biggest, baddest roller coaster at the amusement park. Now I wouldn't be scared if I was just a mediocre writer, if my little blog was just a little hobby I shared with family and friends, so they could pat me on my little head and say, "That was nice."

While we are living, we might as well live large, right? Why even have a dream if it is not a huge, colorful, wonderful dream? Why even have talents if you don't use them, if you don't keep developing them until you step back and say to yourself, "Oh, I am getting really good at this."

Now I have a question for you. Who do you think you are?

Susan