Self-Respect

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you." Lao Tzu

"I have never met anyone like you before," she told me. I get that a lot, and for the most part it is meant as a compliment. She went on to say, "You don't give a s*** what people think about you." I laughed. I do care what people think about me. I like it when people like me. There are some folks whose opinion is quite important to me, but I understand what she meant. I am not a people pleaser.

You have probably known a people pleaser or two in your time. She is never simply herself. In fact, you aren't even sure who she is, other than a pretzel who tries to twist herself around to accomodate everyone else. She is almost desperate in her attempt to please. She rarely expresses an unpopular opinion, and she hates to say "no." If she must say "no," she explains and apologizes and bows and scrapes to the point where you are vaguely embarrassed for her. People may like her, but they don't respect her. And if this people-pleasing behavior is chronic, she gets to where she has no self-respect either. Maybe one follows the other. Why should anyone respect you, when you don't even respect yourself?

Virtues such as kindness, friendliness and courtesy make this world a much more pleasant place. We should try as much as possible to treat others as we would like to be treated. There is nothing gained by being rude and abrasive. But if we are simply who we are, if we have a healthy self-respect, people are not always going to like us. They will not always be pleased. They won't like taking "no" for an answer. But they will respect us, even if it is a kind of grudging respect.

While it is possible to be both liked and respected, sometimes we must make a choice. I don't know about you, but I'll choose respect every time. It means a lot to me to look in the mirror and respect the person I see looking back.

Susan