Holding On or Letting Go?

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. You are the one getting burned." Buddha

Anger is a normal emotion, a result of being wronged. It is okay to feel it and perfectly all right to express it. I am beginning to give myself permission to do those things. I was raised by a rageaholic. She controlled her world by throwing fits. She was scary to me, because she was big and I was small. She had all the power and I had none. I have always had a lack of respect for adults who throw temper tantrums. I have no time for people who can't control themselves, and even less patience for people who carefully pick and choose the time to pitch their fits, for optimal results. I see a fully grown person having a tantrum, and to me she is a huge baby wearing a silly bonnet, an old-fashioned cloth diaper with a pin on it, and a pacifier in her mouth. "Waaah! I'm so angry! Waaah!" she screams.

At a very early age, I decided not to become my mother. I have some of her less ugly traits, but for the most part I have been quite successful at that. But it is way past time I move past my childhood and allow myself to feel and express healthy anger. I was given the perfect opportunity to do so very recently. I was angry, on my behalf, and also on behalf of a very innocent party. So I told the person who was in the wrong how it was going to be. I didn't raise my voice. I didn't use profanity. I didn't throw my pacifier out of my mouth and kick and scream. I was actually very kind, much nicer than she deserved. That's because that is who I am. I didn't become petty or catty or hit below the belt. But she understood me, because I made myself clear in no uncertain terms. I didn't hold on to how I felt anymore. I let it go. It's the only reasonable thing to do, right? If you literally pick up a burning hot coal, your hand will drop it immediately because that's your body's response to getting burned. You don't hold on. You let it go.

The result of my feeling my anger and then expressing it in a constructive manner was very positive. I kept my dignity. I was true to who I was. I spoke the truth. The person heard me and took immediate action. It was actually so much easier than I would have expected, so next time I won't hold on that long at all. I'll just let it go.

Susan