The Sound of Music

It's my day off. As I puttered in the kitchen this morning, I listened to the soundtrack from "The Sound of Music." What amazing songwriters Oscar Hammerstein II and Richard Rodgers were. The movie starring Julie Andrews is a favorite of mine. I've seen it countless times.

One of the reasons I think it resonates with me is that I came upon motherhood by marrying a man with two small sons. Those two guys, now adult men, are the best things that ever happened to me. So I get that about Maria, about how even though she didn't carry them in her body or give birth to them, she loves those children. And they love her back.

The romance is sweet, too. Remember that moment in the movie when Captain von Trapp and Fraulein Maria look at each other, and you think "somebody's never gonna become a nun"? You just have to love it.

Christopher Plummer, who plays the Captain in the film, was one handsome man back then, and even today is still quite good looking. But the character he plays in the movie? I don't know, but I have a hard time getting all warm and gooey over an ill tempered narcissist who uses his wife's death as an excuse to ignore his children. Am I being too harsh?

But Maria transforms him, with her love. She brings out the really nice guy he is deep inside. That resonates with me, because there is a part of me that likes to think my love is so special that it can make everything all better. Now don't get me wrong. Love is a wonderful thing, with certain undeniable magical powers. But love doesn't make unhealthy relationships healthy, or unhappy people happy. And some people are really exactly who they appear to be on the outside, and we should be careful to not attribute wonderful qualities to not-so-wonderful people. Am I being too cynical?

But I know many women who have crushed on Captain von Trapp, and I mean them no disrespect. That kind of guy just isn't my cup of tea. I want someone who is easy to love. Someone whose outside matches his inside. I guess I have finally figured out I'm really not all that powerful.

"The Lonely Goat Herd" is the best song from the movie.

Susan

Frankly, My Dear...

As the film opens, we see a beautiful and beautifully dressed young woman, holding court as men fall all over themselves around her. It's that most famous fictional narcissist, Scarlett O'Hara. With all due respect to "Gone With the Wind" author Margaret Mitchell, real life narcissist Sarah Palin is a much better illustration than even Scarlett. I guess truth really is stranger than fiction.

Narcissism has become an over-used term lately, and many folks who are not narcissists are given that label. True narcissism, or narcissistic personality disorder, is a mental illness, with its roots in infancy and toddlerhood. The all-important bonding process that a baby must make with someone, a parent or other caregiver, fails to happen. Many narcissists are victims of other types of child abuse as well. They are among the most intelligent, charming, beautiful and talented people you could ever find. But inside they are empty, devoid of any sort of self-concept and unable to feel empathy. Many books have been written about them, and it has been said they are emotional vampires. They surround themselves with great people, then feed on them until there's nothing left. Then they move on to another victim. Because they can't or won't examine themselves, therapists find narcissists the most difficult people to treat. That is if they ever do get into therapy, because a narcissist even admitting there might be something wrong is a rare occurrence.

Two very important people in my own life were narcissists; one was a man and the other a woman just like Scarlett and Sarah. Things start out wonderfully with a narcissist, then end with you feeling exhausted and spent, as if their bite has sucked your life's blood away. They are, at their core, the most selfish people you will ever find. I am sad for the hurt babies that they used to be, because I understand that even a very poor excuse for a parent can still successfully bond with her child. But I am more than a little tired of people who were once victims becoming perpetrators themselves. No matter what was done to you, you have no right to take it out on everyone else. Those of us who have been fed on do get fed up, eventually. Then the narcissist panics, seeing her supply walking away. She dramatically asks whatever will become of her. Captain Rhett Butler said it perfectly when he told Scarlett, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

Susan