Protect My Child

We were gathered in the conference room for a baby shower after the work day was over. There was pink as far as the eye could see. Pink clothes, pink toys, pink blankets and even pink frosting on the cupcakes. My colleague was about to have her first child, a baby girl she would name Cheyenne. She was excited, but so tired of being pregnant. She patted her belly and said, "I will be so glad when this is over." The mom of a couple of teenagers laughed and said, "Oh, it's just starting."

Parenting is a lifetime gig. It isn't over when your child turns 18 or 21. It isn't over when he graduates from high school or college, or even when he moves out on his own. It isn't over when he has kids of his own. How very thankful I am that it's never over, that being a mom is my forever job. You never do stop wanting to protect them, and that is the biggest challenge of having kids who are technically no longer kids anymore. They are adults, out there living their lives, and not only can you not protect them from the hurts of life, it is completely inappropriate for you to even try to do so. The potential for them being hurt increases exponentially as they get older, too. You have no control over what they do, nor should you. So you learn to trust.

It requires a great deal of trust to be the parent of an adult child. You must trust as you have never trusted before. Trust that your son or daughter is fully capable of living his own life and making his own decisions. Trust that his path is uniquely his own. That you gave the task of raising him your best effort, that the mistakes you made were not fatal, that the times you were not a good example perhaps he still learned from you, as a cautionary tale. You trust that you walked the walk instead of just talking the talk, that he respects you enough to want your opinion on a few things. You trust that if things start to go wrong, you can speak up calmly but clearly, and that the bond you forged so many years ago will give you the influence you need at that moment, and he will hear what you have to say. So you trust him and you trust yourself, not consistently and not perfectly, but it's something you learn to do better every day.

We learn so much from our children, do we not? I believe I have learned so much more about life from my sons than they ever learned from me. It is a wonderful time of life, this time when your children are grown and you get to sit back and just enjoy them. The responsibility for raising them is over, and that is very freeing. But still, every once in a while you might find yourself whispering, in the words of Bob Dylan, "Protect my child."

Susan