Change of Address

"Find out what you're afraid of and go live there." Chuck Palahniuk

I hide. Like many behaviors, it's something I learned to do as a child. My mother was a volatile person, a tantrum throwing bully whose favorite target was me. I spent a lot of time in my room, or at some friend's home when I was a teenager. I avoided her in that way. I also hid emotionally. I learned not to show that she had hurt me, because it only fueled the abuse. After all, a sadist derives enjoyment from inflicting pain. I didn't let her see me cry. I didn't share my experiences or thoughts or feelings or fears with her, because she would use them against me. I became very good at hiding. Too good, in fact. On our computers, we have default settings. My default was hiding.

Did you know if you don't like your settings you can change them to something else? Imagine that! I have reset mine, so that hiding is no longer my default. I have forced myself to do some bold and scary things I would not have done earlier in life. I am putting myself out there and I am speaking my truth. Nothing horrible has happened. In fact, just the opposite has taken place. I have not been punished for coming out of hiding. I have been rewarded. Imagine that.

We all have fears. What is one of yours? I would encourage you to find it and then go live there. If you need a friendly neighbor, well, I'm just next door.

Susan