The Thrill is Gone

We all know that we have a high divorce rate in the United States. I myself am one of those statistics, and although my seeking a divorce has moved my life forward in a very positive way, in a perfect world I would have preferred to stay married to one man for my entire life. So how do we fix this problem? Arranged marriages. Here in America, we base our marriages on something called romantic love. We marry when infatuation and sexual excitement are at a high, often not knowing or understanding our mate as we should, and then the thrill is gone. That feeling is not sustainable for the long run. We also marry without doing any due diligence, without any real counseling, because that just doesn't seem romantic. So what is the answer? Arranged marriages. Arranged marriages equal a very low divorce rate.

There is a wonderful article in today's edition of The Los Angeles Times by Mark Magnier and Tanvi Sharma. In India, where 90% of the marriages are arranged, parents more and more are using private investigators in the vetting process.

Who better to choose the perfect mate for our children than us as mothers and fathers? We know our kids very well. We have enough life experience to know what to look for, to see the red flags. We also want the very best for our adult kids. We don't want to see them hurt, taken advantage of, abused or abandoned. So the young people should just sit back and relax and let Mom and Dad take care of it. We accept applications, look at resumes, administer tests, interview, run background checks and then to allow the kids to have some sense of control, we narrow it down to maybe three finalists. Any of those three people would work for us, so we let our son or daughter choose one of those. It could be like when they are little, and it's chilly outside, so we tell them they need to wear something warm. Then we say, you can choose. Would  you like to wear your red jacket, your white hoodie or your blue sweater? Give them a choice.

So maybe it isn't romantic, not to us as Americans. Maybe at first there are no sparks that fly. But I say put them in an apartment together, and sooner or later the hormones will kick in. Chemistry is not that hard to come by. Then as they get to know each other, they will sooner or later fall "in love." The thrill is gone really sucks. How much better to start out slow, and then one day they realize that the thrill is here!

Susan