I Guess He Thought I Knew

For some reason, lately I've heard people say that growing up their parents didn't say "I love you" or hug them at all, or very rarely. Isn't that interesting, because would you not think that the vast majority of parents love their children? Most of these people I've heard from are in their 40's or older, so I guess some of it might be child-rearing practices in days gone by. Maybe their standoffishness had to do with ethnicity or culture, or their own upbringing. I know that people express love in different ways, and those who didn't express it verbally or physically may still raise children who certainly felt loved. In 2011, we now know from scientists what some have always known instinctively, that hearing the words "I love you" and having touch from a parent is quite important to a child's development.

For a class last semester, I researched father-daughter relationships and found something startling. The number one predictor of high self-esteem in a girl is physical affection from her father, and the most crucial time for this is age 10-14. How sad it is, then, that this is precisely the time when dads start to pull back physically.

I guess my thoughts today are two-fold. The first is that if your parents were deficient in the verbal and physical expressions of love, that you might think of other ways in which they showed they cared. And secondly, if you have kids, no matter how old they may be, that the next time you see them, you give them a big old bear hug, and don't you dare be the first to let go. And why wait a minute longer to tell them you love them? Pick up the phone and tell them you love them. Leave a voice mail that says, "I love you" if they aren't available. Because it's never too late to say what we think they already know.

Susan

Lyrics to "The Greatest Man I Never Knew" by Layng Martine, Jr. and Richard Leigh