Asking For It

Our office environment was pretty toxic. The manager was an insecure woman who preyed on the weak and wounded. She gathered information about our personal lives, and sorted the weak from the strong. In her estimation, there were two camps in our office of thirty women. There were the women who were assertive in demeanor, and/or those who had husbands/partners who were gainfully employed. These were the women she believed did not "need" to work. The second group were the more mild-mannered women, and/or those who were single or whose husbands/partners were not pulling their weight. These were the women she believed "needed" to work, and would take what she dished out because they needed a job badly. Her conclusions were not even accurate, but this is how she operated. She could be quite vicious, but it was so interesting to see that she only did it when she knew she could get away with it.

In no way do I want to ever blame the victim, but I think many times in life we get what we tolerate from other people. We, by our attitudes, actions and words, tell people how to treat us. I had one of those "light bulb" moments a few years ago when I was talking to my therapist about someone who never apologized. "Did you ever ask him to apologize?" she asked me. I was taken aback, because I truly had never even thought about asking anyone to apologize to me, ever, under any circumstance.

Until very recently, I have pretty much not asked others to do anything. My thought was always that they should do the right thing, and I didn't want to issue ultimatums, demand, ask or even suggest that they do that. They should do it because it's the right thing or because they loved me or because they wanted to or whatever. I wonder now how much I have been missing out on in life because I would not ask for what I want or need.

Every day we tell people how to treat us, and at any time we can extend an invitation for them to do the right thing. We can ask for what we want or need, and they can give it to us or not. Once we ask, it's on them. Their choice, their karma.

Susan