No Excuse

"An explanation of cause is not a justification by reason." C. S. Lewis

There is some research that shows that 90% of child abusers were at one time victims themselves. I have seen a need with people who were hurt by their parents to understand, to see the monster as a human being. There are certainly factors that may play into it. It could be that your abuser had a drug or alcohol problem, a mental illness, financial pressures, a troubled marriage, or a myriad of other stuff going on. Learning how damaged your abuser was helps you truly know that it was him and not you. Not your fault. It may lessen your bitterness to understand him. I guess we want to make sense out of what is essentially a senseless horror, a parent hurting his own child.

Whatever might have been going on in your abuser's life, it doesn't really matter because abuse is always wrong. Neglect or physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional abuse is always wrong. The betrayal of a child's love, the irreplaceable loss of a child's innocence, is always wrong.

You need to be so careful in acknowledging your abuser's humanity that you don't feel too sorry for him or make any excuses for him. What he did to you was wrong. It always will be. He deserves no pity. He has no excuse.

Susan