Delighted To Be Here

When I was 16, my 24-year-old cousin was diagnosed with a terminal illness and three weeks later he was dead. It was the first time in my life where I was touched by the death of a young person. I have attended many funerals since then, but that was by the far the most heart wrenching. His young wife losing her husband while they were still practically newlyweds. My aunt and uncle, just in their 40's themselves, saying good-bye to their only child.

I once worked for a woman who made no bones about the fact she hated her job. Often when she came in to work in the morning, if someone said hello and asked how she was, she would smile and answer, "Delighted to be here." She meant it with her tongue in cheek, and who among us has not been less than thrilled over a new work day? Same old, same old.

I woke up this morning! And since you are reading this, you must have done the same. There are some folks who are not so lucky. As for me, I am delighted to be here.

Susan

Getting Even

"He that studieth revenge keepeth his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well." John Milton

A Facebook friend's status said, "I am gonna laugh when karma punches you in the face." It is natural to want to retaliate when someone hurts us. I guess some people refrain from exacting revenge themselves, but they wish that karma/the universe/God/fate will somehow get the person who wronged them.

I believe, that as a general rule, what goes around eventually comes around. Sow bad behavior and you will reap an unpleasant harvest. And while it is good not to take matters into your own hands, is it that much of an improvement to spend your time and energy hoping that something awful will happen to the person who hurt you? Your hurt (however justified) needs to heal, and you can participate in that process or hinder it with dreams of revenge.

Susan

Tzdaka

"That best portion of a man's life, his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love." William Wordsworth

I had parked my car in a lot with parking meters. After I got out of my car and put coins in the meter, I noticed an older woman walking around the lot. She would look at a meter, and either walk on to the next one, or put money in it. I figured out that she was putting money in the meters that were close to expiring. What a cool thing to do! Imagine being stressed that you were running late and the meter had run out, dreading the ticket on your windshield. Then you get to your car and discover that you still have time on the meter. Wouldn't that just make your day?

In the Jewish faith, the highest form of giving is tzdaka, anonymous charity to unknown recipients. When was the last time you gave something to someone you didn't know, expecting nothing in return?

Susan

Nobody's Perfect

"Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor." Anne Lamott

Anything worth doing is worth doing well. We should take pride in our work. We should give our best effort. I want any surgeon working on me to be a perfectionist! However, some people take it to an extreme, and those folks need to reach the conclusion that sometimes "good enough" is enough.

Some perfectionists take forever to complete a task because they are so focused on doing it perfectly. Procrastination and perfectionism can also go hand in hand. Putting something off until you can do it perfectly causes you to miss deadlines. Trying to be perfect can take a lot of joy out of life, if you sit out the volleyball game at the picnic because you aren't a world class athlete.

Some people seem hard wired this way. But one perfectionist I know told me when he was a child, nothing he ever did was good enough for his dad. His father died many years ago, but this man still allows those old tapes to play over and over in his head.

Why be so hard on yourself? You know, just between you and me, "perfect" does not really exist. So why not give yourself a break and just be good enough.

Susan

A New Chapter

"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. Yet that will be the beginning." Louis L'Amour

Many women my age are struggling with the empty nest. It is a big adjustment. If you have done well, you sort of work your way out of a job. I know some women whose children are in their 20's or even older, but they still are trying to raise them. Nagging them, telling them what to do, questioning their choices. We really need to let go of that, girls. That part of your role as a mother is over, and if you didn't do a good job, I hate to be the one to tell you, but it's too late. It is finished.

But a new chapter has begun, and it is the best one yet! Here is this young adult person. He (or she) has his own life. His own thoughts and insights. His own opinions. He doesn't do things the same way you did, and that is a good thing. He has a mind of his own. He doesn't need you the way he used to, but you are far from obsolete. No matter how old we are, we always need our moms. In this brand new chapter, if you are very lucky, you can be his mom and his friend. It doesn't get any better than that.

Susan

Pity Party

"The proud, the cold, untroubled heart of stone, that never mused on sorrow but its own." Thomas Campbell

I have noticed that the people who throw the grandest pity parties for themselves have difficulty understanding that other people hurt, too. They are too busy blowing up the gray balloons and hanging the gray streamers to notice that the world is full of people who are struggling, many of them much worse than themselves. They may have enough manners to ask how you are, but it would be best if you just lied and said, "Fine," because they really don't want to hear it.

Are you ill? Well, they are sicker. Are you having a tough time financially? They are poorer. It's a sad game of one-upsmanship where they always win, but actually they lose.

Anyone suffering from depression needs the help of a doctor. And there are those people who actually lack empathy. But for those who have become self-absorbed, the solution is simple. (Not easy, but simple.) Pop the pity party balloons, put the streamers in the trash, and get out of the house. Look around you. Volunteer in the community. Make a difference in someone else's life. Bake some cupcakes for a friend. But frost them in a color other than gray.

Susan

Breathe In, Breathe Out

I sometimes hear people say they hate to exercise. Maybe we need to get away from the word "exercise" and think of it as moving and breathing. A slow, short, easy walk is better than no exercise at all. You don't need to pay a membership fee or buy any special clothes or equipment. And starting out walking slowly is a good way to make sure you won't get injured and sidelined. There are so many ways to move and breathe that surely even those who have always hated exercise could find a way to do it. I have a friend with a bad knee. She swims several times a week; no strain on her knees in the water. Another friend who suffers from fibromyalgia goes to a stretch class, and it has helped her pain immensely. A man who lives in a cold climate drives to the local mall early in the morning and walks inside with some friends. Another man plays in a recreational basketball league. I arrive at my dance/exercise class five minutes early to stretch, something I didn't need to do ten years ago. But it helps me avoid injury. Whatever the physical limitations, you can still find a way to move and breathe.

The physical health benefits of taking care of your body are obvious. But it is a proven fact that exercise elevates the mood and can help alleviate stress. Those endorphins kick in and we feel better. We tend to take shallow breaths when we are under stress, and when we exercise we breathe deeply.

Moving and breathing. It's as simple as that.

Susan