Brian Banks

"The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury." Marcus Aurelius

Brian Banks and Wanetta Gibson, both minors, had consensual sex. Then Gibson accused Banks of kidnapping and rape. His attorney, an adult woman, told him he was a "big black teenager" and a jury would never believe him. So instead of going to trial, which was his right, he pled no contest and lost precious years of his life in jail. Gibson and her family, adults, won a large judgment in a civil lawsuit against the school district. She recently reached out to Banks on Facebook and has admitted she lied. With the help of the Innocence Project, he has been exonerated and is claiming monetary damages from the state of California, which is his right. This is all a huge failure on the part of the many adults involved.

Every time a woman falsely accuses a man of rape, it is a disservice to the women who truly are raped.  I had conversations with both my sons when they were very young teenagers, about their vulnerability as young men. I told them that even if the girl consents, yes even if the encounter appears to be her idea, later she could say she was raped and it could possibly be her word against his. I took no pleasure in having these talks with my sons, but I had to prepare them for reality.

Brian Banks seems ready to get on with his life. At this point, he has chosen not to go after Gibson, although I think she needs to be held accountable in some way. Nina Mandell in The New York Daily News quotes him as saying, "I know it's best for me to try and move forward in a positive manner for the betterment of me. It hurts no one but myself to hang on to the type of negative energy." Wow.

Susan

People, I Am Going To Tahrir Square

I love Facebook. I first joined so I could stay connected with two of my nieces who live in other parts of the country. And it worked. I feel more a part of their lives since we are Facebook friends. I have maybe 40-50 friends, not a lot. My privacy settings are as private as possible, but still I never post anything I wouldn't want the whole world to eventually see. It just makes sense.

Facebook is fun. Facebook is also a very powerful tool. I thought of this today as Egypt is having its first democratic election for a president. It all started on Facebook; remember that? In February of 2011, a 26-year-old woman called Asmaa Mahfouz posted this:

                                        People, I am going to Tahrir Square

And with that she started a revolution. With that, she changed her world. Right now is simply the most wonderful time to be alive.

Susan

Hide and Seek

"We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that in the end, we become disguised to ourselves." Francois de la Rochefoucauld

A friend posted this thought-provoking quote in his Facebook status, and it fits in very well with this time of year. Halloween will soon be here, a time for masks and costumes. When I was trick or treating as a child, I was delighted when a neighbor didn't know who I was (or pretended not to know.) It meant my costume was very clever.

Some of us have become masters of disguise, hiding our true selves, thoughts, feelings and emotions. We wear the mask for so long that we don't even know who we are anymore. There is great freedom in allowing ourselves to become vulnerable enough that we simply live each day being exactly who we are, nothing more and nothing less.

Susan

Getting Even

"He that studieth revenge keepeth his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well." John Milton

A Facebook friend's status said, "I am gonna laugh when karma punches you in the face." It is natural to want to retaliate when someone hurts us. I guess some people refrain from exacting revenge themselves, but they wish that karma/the universe/God/fate will somehow get the person who wronged them.

I believe, that as a general rule, what goes around eventually comes around. Sow bad behavior and you will reap an unpleasant harvest. And while it is good not to take matters into your own hands, is it that much of an improvement to spend your time and energy hoping that something awful will happen to the person who hurt you? Your hurt (however justified) needs to heal, and you can participate in that process or hinder it with dreams of revenge.

Susan