Truth In All Things

"Be curious, not judgmental." Walt Whitman

Lately I have been aware of how judgmental I can be of others. One of my intentions for this year is "truth in all areas of my life." On New Year's eve when I stated this, I understood that having truth would at times make me uncomfortable. Seeing the truth about myself sometimes makes me squirm.

The first day of the semester at college, it was almost time for class to start and we were sitting there waiting. A middle-aged woman entered the classroom and looked around. "Oh my god," she exclaimed loudly, "I knew I would be the oldest one!" I responded, "I bet I'm older than you." She laughed and said, "No. You're not." I replied, "I'm 52." She said, "You ARE older than me." From time to time throughout the semester, I have heard her make self-deprecating remarks about her age.

This week she had a question for the professor. She started out by saying, "My daughter's son..." The professor looked puzzled for a moment, then asked, "Your grandson?" She replied that yes, he was her grandson but she doesn't like to call him that because she doesn't want to be a grandmother. Grandmothers are old. I had to turn away because I didn't want my face to betray my judgmental thoughts. You see, I am very proud of being a grandmother and want to shout it from the rooftops. When my grandchildren address me as Grandma, my heart does these little flips. I cannot fathom how anyone could possibly not be bursting at the seams just to be a grandma. I was judging her, because she is different from me in this respect.

Curiosity about differences is healthy. No one needed to wonder why she would not call her daughter's son her grandson, because she had already given us abundant evidence that she is uncomfortable with her age. She needs acceptance and kindness, not judgment. The problem is, when I judge I am not in a frame of mind to be accepting or kind. Judgment is a harsh emotion.

I smiled at her as we were filing out of class. I found myself thinking, "If she would update her hair and her makeup and her clothing, she would look much younger." I guess I still have a lot of work to do in this area. And that's the truth.

Susan