Betty Ford

"Power is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't." Margaret Thatcher

We were still raw from the Vietnam War when the Watergate hearings were televised that summer of '74. President Nixon and Vice President Spiro Agnew resigned in disgrace, and Gerald Ford became the 38th President. When he made the immensely unpopular decision to pardon President Nixon, Ford termed the scandal a "national nightmare." Some believe that every cloud has a silver lining. If Watergate was the cloud, First Lady Betty Ford was our silver lining.

She was a divorced ex-dancer and model. I guess she wasn't the conventional prim and proper "lady" that some believed a president's wife should be. She was refreshingly honest and funny. Mrs. Ford's detractors called her "No Lady," but most Americans adored her.

In 1974, our First Lady told us she had breast cancer and went on to explain about her masectomy, at a time in history when such words were foreign to many people, and perhaps vaguely shameful to some. Women sat up and took notice, and today self-exams and early detection are quite routine. In 1978, the Ford family had an intervention for their mother and wife, at a time in history when the average person on the street had no idea what that was. Mrs. Ford was characteristically open when she told us she was addicted to both prescription painkillers and alcohol. This was at a time in history when the media would have looked the other way if she wanted "privacy." Her candor about her problem and her courage to get treatment enboldened countless others to seek help. Suddenly addiction had a face: a woman's face. She died July 8 at the age of 93, but the Betty Ford Center lives on.

Mrs. Ford danced the "Bump" at the White House, adored her husband and loved her children. She left this world a much better place than she found it. No other First Lady has done so much good for so many.

Betty Ford was a real woman who dared to let us see who she was. She taught younger women like me that there is grace and beauty in being honest. I doubt she went around trying to convince people she was a lady. She didn't have to.

Susan

I Can Save Myself

The knight in shining armor, preferably on a white horse, is a beautiful fantasy. There's nothing wrong with a lady being rescued by a brave knight. The strength of a healthy egalitarian relationship, however, is sometimes he saves you and sometimes you save him. What a gift when your weakness speaks to your partner's strength.

There are certain situations where only you can save yourself. It's romantic to think of someone else slaying the dragons, but when it comes to things like addiction or abuse, you are the only one who can do it. Support, help and encouragement are all wonderful, but really it's all up to you.

Are you worth saving? For some folks who have never really stood up for themselves in a definitive way, they might answer "yes" but feel differently in their hearts. Low self-esteem can fuel addictive behaviors and abusive relationships. It can be scary and painful, but really it's a gift when life backs you into a corner, your self-preservation instinct kicks in and you save yourself.

I recently heard from a brave woman who distanced herself from her abusive parent. She said she didn't feel bad about it. Well, of course not. That's because there is nothing to feel guilty over, and her lack of guilt is her reward for having the guts to save herself. She chose herself over her abuser. It's really the only decision to make, absolutely the right thing to do, yet so many can't or won't do it. I look forward to seeing what kind of blessings she receives since she made the pivotal and powerful choice to save herself.

Susan