Playing Small

"Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so other people won't feel insecure around you." Marianne Williamson

Doing my best is very important to me. Over the years I have tempered my perfectionist traits, but I do enjoy being competent and giving my all. Excellence is something I value very much. So when my general manager at work called a meeting with me on Saturday, I was happy to find that she is very pleased with the progress I've made three months in to my new position. I received a promotion in July. I love my job, and I look forward to going to work. During the course of the conversation, the manager told me of a few upcoming changes that will be taking place that involve me, and I am delighted. It is very exciting.

In smaller stores within our company, there is just one person who has my position. Since our store is quite large in volume, there are two of us. The other person has been in the position for several months longer than I have. Earlier that same day, the manager had a meeting with my counterpart, and the manager told me that while the same subjects were covered, "it was a very different conversation." This other woman, whom I like very much, is struggling as much as I am excelling. I didn't get the impression that my boss had any other motivation in telling me, other than to give me a complete picture of how things in our area are functioning. Comparisons were drawn between me and her, and I became uncomfortable.

Since then, I find that my colleague has become more deferential to me, and I hope she doesn't feel inferior. You see, I want to be the best, but I don't want anyone else to feel bad about it. I guess I want to be number one, but I don't want there to have to be a number two or three or four. I know it doesn't work that way.

I hesitated to write about it, because it sounds like I am arrogant perhaps. As if I am so fabulous, I must constantly downplay myself. I want to shrink a little, so no one thinks that I am such a big deal. Toward the end of the conversation, I asked my boss if there was something I might to do to support my colleague, and she replied that I was already doing much more than my half.

I guess I would like to help lift her up, but she needs to do that for herself. And I don't do her or anyone else any favors by turning into a shrinking violet. So I'll just be me, the best me I can possibly be. I won't play small.

Susan