I am very organized, except when I'm not. I like things tidy, except for this one small pile of stuff in the garage. My roommate pointed it out to me, this obvious contradiction between who I usually am and what that pile looks like.
A therapist once told me I have a very orderly mind. And she was right. I am good at compartmentalizing, which is kind of unusual for a woman. I have these little wooden cubby holes in my brain, just like the cubbies we had in elementary school. That is why I can go to my job and perform it very well, pretty much no matter what is going on in my life. It is soothing to be able to do that, to focus like a laser beam on one activity and push all the other stuff out. It serves me very well, except when it doesn't.
It takes me a long time to process things, to finally reach a decision, but once I arrive at a decision, I never look back. I am a decisive person, except when I'm not. Lately my thoughts have been a little scattered and those mental cubbies are not as organized and neat as usual. I'm cadywhampus, and I find myself thinking that I don't know what to do.
"I don't know what to do." Don't even get me started on that. I have a friend who used to say that a lot, and it was maddening to me. Now I hear the same words coming out of my mouth. So I always know what to do, except when I don't.
Does this post even make any sense? Do you ever have times like this, those messy times in life? Maybe this is good for me. Maybe I need a little bit of a mess now and then, just like my otherwise tidy existence needs that small pile of stuff out in the garage.
Susan
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When you like things tidy and feel comfortable making decisions after consideration and generally like your ducks in a row, like me, those times when you feel like it isn't happening as it should or you don't know what to do can feel very disorienting. However, I think it is an opportunity to think (or not think) in a new way and to recognize that we don't have all that much power over life at all, and that there is freedom in that thought.
ReplyDeleteFreedom in recognizing we don't have much power. Your thoughts helped me today, Vesta. Thank you!
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