The Silent Killer

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song." Maya Angelou

Our neighbor told us children that a foster daughter would be coming to live with her. She told us that the little girl did not talk. She knew how to speak, but something very bad had happened and she stopped talking. Our neighbor asked us to please include the girl in our play, but not to ever ask her what happened. We complied, and the little girl started talking again, and after a while, she was chatting just like the rest of us. I don't know what had caused her to lose her voice. I never asked, and it's none of my business. I do hope that at some point she told her story. I hope she found her voice.

Just last week I heard a woman say she had been homeless for a while when she was a child, then she was in the foster system. She quickly added that she was a private person and she didn't like to talk about it. I understand. It's none of my business. But I hope at some point she tells her story. I hope she finds her voice.

I've heard it said that silence is golden, but silent shame is a killer. Why do we as children and young people feel such shame when it isn't our fault? Why do we protect those who hurt us with our silence? Why do we keep their dirty secrets? Why do we allow our voices to be silenced?

It hurt so much the first time, will talking about it mean reliving it all over again? What will we see in the face of the listener? Disbelief, disdain, disgust? Will people still love us if we tell them who we really are?

I hope that you, my reader, have never experienced the kind of hurt that causes the silent shame. I hope for a world where no child or young person ever has to feel that. But if you know all too well what I'm talking about, then I have two questions for you. Have you ever told your story? Have you ever found your voice?

Susan

Mother and Son

A mother's heart is aching. Her teenage son's funeral is today. He took his own life. I don't know her personally. She's a friend of a friend. She has a mother's heart but was unable to conceive a baby.

At the age of four, he was removed from his home because of abuse. He landed in the system and she was his court-appointed special advocate. Then she adopted him. She was the perfect mother for him. You might be thinking that he was a lucky little boy, but she would probably tell you that she's the lucky one.

At the time of his death, they were in family therapy. She did everything she could for him. That is, after all, what mothers do. His time on earth was very short, but because of her, he knew what it was to be truly loved. She rescued him, but she would probably tell you that he rescued her. She was his angel. And now he is hers.

Susan