At What Price Peace?

"Even peace may be purchased at too high a price." Benjamin Franklin

She calls herself the peacemaker. The middle child of five, and the only girl, she is sandwiched on either side by brothers. The roles we learn to play as kids can carry over into adult life. She and her siblings are now in their 30's and 40's, but the roles are still the same. The eldest brother is the overachiever, the second is the rebel, she is the peacemaker, next is the one she calls the invisible one, and the baby is, well, the baby. With an aversion to drama and confrontation, she keeps the peace in almost every relationship in her life. With her siblings and her parents, her husband and colleagues at work. She smooths things over when she should be talking them out. She swallows her feelings when she should be speaking her mind. She mediates disputes when they are none of her business.

I will agree that peace is a wonderful thing. Peace (peace of mind) is in my opinion, life's greatest blessing. But at what price? As she approaches her 40th birthday, she suffers from a variety of stress-related illnesses. She eats well and exercises daily, but it seems that years of trying to keep the peace have exacted a very high price from her body. The chest pains that sent her to the emergency room were a wake up call for her.

The sad thing is, with all her peacemaking she has not made peace. Just because people aren't fighting and arguing, not using hurtful words, doesn't mean there is peace. If you have ever been in the same room with a quiet person who is silently seething, you know exactly what I mean. Peace is not the absence of conflict, but dealing with the conflict that is a natural part of life in a healthy way.

Susan