The Rest of Your Life

"I used to shop this store all the time," my coworker said to a few of us sitting in the breakroom. She went on to say that a typical day might consist of her dropping her kids off at school, then a trip to the gym, or perhaps a manicure or facial was on the agenda. Then she'd lunch with her friends and do some shopping, finishing around the time the kids were ready to be picked up. "I never thought I'd work here."

She went on to describe vacations that she had taken, the upscale restaurants in our city she and her husband frequented. Then all that changed, when his business went south when the recession started. They moved to a smaller home and she went to work, and their lives are drastically different from what they used to be. And she's bitter about it.

She said that she thinks it would be better never to have lived that type of lifestyle, because then she wouldn't know what she was missing. "I guess this," she said, gesturing to our surroundings in the breakroom, "is going to be the rest of my life."

Yes. It is. This is the rest of her life. She has a lot of choices, a lot of directions she could move in, but going back to the "good old days" is simply not an option. This is the rest of my life, and yours, too. No matter how good or bad or mediocre the past was, all that really matters is what we do with what we have right now. We are not helpless victims. We have the power to make the kind of life we want. So, what are you doing the rest of your life?

Susan

"What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life?" written by Alan Bergman, Marilyn Bergman and Michel Legrand.

Arguing for Your Limitations

"You take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame." Erica Jong

Do you know anyone who relishes the role of victim? They become very comfortable in their victimhood and are often experts at telling all the reasons why they can't do this and they can't do that. Their childhood, their age, their experience, their lack of experience, the weather, the economy, their spouse, their health, their ex, their own children, their education, their lack of education...the excuses abound. They are like expert trial lawyers, arguing passionately for their limitations. You might observe that they actually have a lot going for them, but don't be surprised if they become defensive when you point that out.

I am not questioning whether or not they have been victimized. That is beside the point. I know a woman in her late 20's who was sexually abused by not one, but four different friends of her family. The abuse began when she was a little girl of six. When she tried to tell her mother about it, she couldn't hear it and it is only in the past few years that her mother has started to believe her. It was not her fault. She did not bring it on herself. She was a victim in the truest sense of the world. But this courageous young woman got the therapy she needed, did the hard work involved, and she is doing great things with her life. She has chosen to interpret her experiences in a way that is very positive for herself. She was victimized, but she did not remain a victim. That is the part she could control.

Most of the issues we face are not as clear as my friend's sexual abuse. Most of our problems are caused at least in some small part by our own actions. Once I take my life in my own hands, I take ownership of every problem I have. I take responsibility for every thought, attitude, word and action. I see that I helped create the problem. Then I realize something beautiful. I also have the power to solve it.

Susan