"Control your own destiny, or someone else will." Jack Welch
A few years ago when I was facing a decision, my oldest friend said, "YOU are in control of your life." I looked around, and on the surface it seemed I wasn't. But you know something? She was absolutely right. I was, always have been and always will be the one ultimately in control of my life. I can give up some of that control to something or someone else, but it is always mine to do with what I want. It was an important reminder and became my daily mantra for many months.
Now I'm in a much better place. I control my destiny not just in an abstract way, but in a concrete way. Being in control doesn't mean you have to be a control freak. I think being in control means you take complete responsibility for what goes on in your life without blaming anyone else. Total accountability and ownership for all of it is what controlling your destiny is all about.
Susan
Showing posts with label accountability. Show all posts
Showing posts with label accountability. Show all posts
Monday, March 21, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Arguing for Your Limitations
"You take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame." Erica Jong
Do you know anyone who relishes the role of victim? They become very comfortable in their victimhood and are often experts at telling all the reasons why they can't do this and they can't do that. Their childhood, their age, their experience, their lack of experience, the weather, the economy, their spouse, their health, their ex, their own children, their education, their lack of education...the excuses abound. They are like expert trial lawyers, arguing passionately for their limitations. You might observe that they actually have a lot going for them, but don't be surprised if they become defensive when you point that out.
I am not questioning whether or not they have been victimized. That is beside the point. I know a woman in her late 20's who was sexually abused by not one, but four different friends of her family. The abuse began when she was a little girl of six. When she tried to tell her mother about it, she couldn't hear it and it is only in the past few years that her mother has started to believe her. It was not her fault. She did not bring it on herself. She was a victim in the truest sense of the world. But this courageous young woman got the therapy she needed, did the hard work involved, and she is doing great things with her life. She has chosen to interpret her experiences in a way that is very positive for herself. She was victimized, but she did not remain a victim. That is the part she could control.
Most of the issues we face are not as clear as my friend's sexual abuse. Most of our problems are caused at least in some small part by our own actions. Once I take my life in my own hands, I take ownership of every problem I have. I take responsibility for every thought, attitude, word and action. I see that I helped create the problem. Then I realize something beautiful. I also have the power to solve it.
Susan
Do you know anyone who relishes the role of victim? They become very comfortable in their victimhood and are often experts at telling all the reasons why they can't do this and they can't do that. Their childhood, their age, their experience, their lack of experience, the weather, the economy, their spouse, their health, their ex, their own children, their education, their lack of education...the excuses abound. They are like expert trial lawyers, arguing passionately for their limitations. You might observe that they actually have a lot going for them, but don't be surprised if they become defensive when you point that out.
I am not questioning whether or not they have been victimized. That is beside the point. I know a woman in her late 20's who was sexually abused by not one, but four different friends of her family. The abuse began when she was a little girl of six. When she tried to tell her mother about it, she couldn't hear it and it is only in the past few years that her mother has started to believe her. It was not her fault. She did not bring it on herself. She was a victim in the truest sense of the world. But this courageous young woman got the therapy she needed, did the hard work involved, and she is doing great things with her life. She has chosen to interpret her experiences in a way that is very positive for herself. She was victimized, but she did not remain a victim. That is the part she could control.
Most of the issues we face are not as clear as my friend's sexual abuse. Most of our problems are caused at least in some small part by our own actions. Once I take my life in my own hands, I take ownership of every problem I have. I take responsibility for every thought, attitude, word and action. I see that I helped create the problem. Then I realize something beautiful. I also have the power to solve it.
Susan
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
The Buck Stops Here
"The happiest people in the world are those who feel absolutely terrific about themselves, and this is the natural outgrowth of accepting total responsibility for every part of their life." Brian Tracy
A woman whose family of origin was less than stellar told me that she decided she would be the one to turn it all around, starting with herself and moving on to her own children. President Harry Truman had a sign on his desk that said, "The buck stops here." While it's easy to play the blame game or continue being a victim, it takes real integrity to be fully accountable for your life.
Some people, after the break up of a marriage, villify the spouse and act totally clueless about what they themselves might have done wrong in the relationship. A popular variation of this theme is the idea that you had the perfect marriage, and then the cheater cheated or the gambler gambled or the abuser abused. Please! Marriage is a two-way street, and even if one person is clearly in the wrong, the other party responds and reacts and is half of the problem. The success or failure of a marriage takes two people. As a divorced person myself, I must admit that the failure of my marriage was my personal failure. That is the starting point. Then you move on to discover what went wrong, what your specific responsibility was, what can be learned from it and so on.
We can never be truly happy until we grow up and become accountable for our own actions and attitudes.
Susan
A woman whose family of origin was less than stellar told me that she decided she would be the one to turn it all around, starting with herself and moving on to her own children. President Harry Truman had a sign on his desk that said, "The buck stops here." While it's easy to play the blame game or continue being a victim, it takes real integrity to be fully accountable for your life.
Some people, after the break up of a marriage, villify the spouse and act totally clueless about what they themselves might have done wrong in the relationship. A popular variation of this theme is the idea that you had the perfect marriage, and then the cheater cheated or the gambler gambled or the abuser abused. Please! Marriage is a two-way street, and even if one person is clearly in the wrong, the other party responds and reacts and is half of the problem. The success or failure of a marriage takes two people. As a divorced person myself, I must admit that the failure of my marriage was my personal failure. That is the starting point. Then you move on to discover what went wrong, what your specific responsibility was, what can be learned from it and so on.
We can never be truly happy until we grow up and become accountable for our own actions and attitudes.
Susan
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