"Be curious, not judgmental." Walt Whitman
Lately I have been aware of how judgmental I can be of others. One of my intentions for this year is "truth in all areas of my life." On New Year's eve when I stated this, I understood that having truth would at times make me uncomfortable. Seeing the truth about myself sometimes makes me squirm.
The first day of the semester at college, it was almost time for class to start and we were sitting there waiting. A middle-aged woman entered the classroom and looked around. "Oh my god," she exclaimed loudly, "I knew I would be the oldest one!" I responded, "I bet I'm older than you." She laughed and said, "No. You're not." I replied, "I'm 52." She said, "You ARE older than me." From time to time throughout the semester, I have heard her make self-deprecating remarks about her age.
This week she had a question for the professor. She started out by saying, "My daughter's son..." The professor looked puzzled for a moment, then asked, "Your grandson?" She replied that yes, he was her grandson but she doesn't like to call him that because she doesn't want to be a grandmother. Grandmothers are old. I had to turn away because I didn't want my face to betray my judgmental thoughts. You see, I am very proud of being a grandmother and want to shout it from the rooftops. When my grandchildren address me as Grandma, my heart does these little flips. I cannot fathom how anyone could possibly not be bursting at the seams just to be a grandma. I was judging her, because she is different from me in this respect.
Curiosity about differences is healthy. No one needed to wonder why she would not call her daughter's son her grandson, because she had already given us abundant evidence that she is uncomfortable with her age. She needs acceptance and kindness, not judgment. The problem is, when I judge I am not in a frame of mind to be accepting or kind. Judgment is a harsh emotion.
I smiled at her as we were filing out of class. I found myself thinking, "If she would update her hair and her makeup and her clothing, she would look much younger." I guess I still have a lot of work to do in this area. And that's the truth.
Susan
Showing posts with label truth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label truth. Show all posts
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
And You Shall Know the Truth
"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Leo Tolstoy
I wonder if she has any idea what she has done. She comes from a family with a long history of secrets. Don't tell this person that. Don't tell that person this. Go ahead and whisper a few words here and a few words there. Raise an eyebrow, or share a knowing glance. But let's not ever say what's what or who's who. Lies, half-truths and miscommunications abound in this family. Siblings pitted against each other by a parent. Cousins who never even meet. Folks not on speaking terms with others for years on end, and no one seems to know why.
I wonder if she has any idea what she has done. Abuse reached across a generation and grabbed at her children. She stopped it cold. It was what any loving parent would do, what any normal person would do, but this was no normal family.
I wonder if she has any idea what she has done. She then did the most stunning thing of all. She told other family members. She spoke the truth. This woman who was once a quiet girl in pigtails stood up and cleared her throat. "Excuse me?" she seemed to be saying, "The emperor has no clothes!" She didn't do it to cause dissention. She spoke the truth because, well because that is what normal people do. It is not normal to keep secrets. But this was no normal family.
I wonder if she has any idea what she has done. I'm delighted to imagine certain family members rolling in their graves, because when she spoke the truth she shook this family to its very foundation. And that had been long overdue.
You know what they say about the truth? It really does set you free. So wonder no more, for when this woman spoke the truth she set this family free.
Susan
I wonder if she has any idea what she has done. She comes from a family with a long history of secrets. Don't tell this person that. Don't tell that person this. Go ahead and whisper a few words here and a few words there. Raise an eyebrow, or share a knowing glance. But let's not ever say what's what or who's who. Lies, half-truths and miscommunications abound in this family. Siblings pitted against each other by a parent. Cousins who never even meet. Folks not on speaking terms with others for years on end, and no one seems to know why.
I wonder if she has any idea what she has done. Abuse reached across a generation and grabbed at her children. She stopped it cold. It was what any loving parent would do, what any normal person would do, but this was no normal family.
I wonder if she has any idea what she has done. She then did the most stunning thing of all. She told other family members. She spoke the truth. This woman who was once a quiet girl in pigtails stood up and cleared her throat. "Excuse me?" she seemed to be saying, "The emperor has no clothes!" She didn't do it to cause dissention. She spoke the truth because, well because that is what normal people do. It is not normal to keep secrets. But this was no normal family.
I wonder if she has any idea what she has done. I'm delighted to imagine certain family members rolling in their graves, because when she spoke the truth she shook this family to its very foundation. And that had been long overdue.
You know what they say about the truth? It really does set you free. So wonder no more, for when this woman spoke the truth she set this family free.
Susan
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Minor Distractions
"The truth is on the march and nothing will stop it." Emilie Zola
As you fulfill your destiny, there will be plenty of distractions along the way. A business associate reneges on a deal. A false friend betrays you. A vow is broken. Money owed you never materializes. Gossip is spread. Wrong, wrong, wrong. You become angry and hurt and indignant, and you are completely entitled to feel those emotions. And it's perfectly fine to set people straight; to stand up for yourself. To assess the situation to see if you did anything to help contribute toward it, so you won't make that same mistake again. But at some point you need to move on, to get past it as best you can and concentrate on what is really important. Someone wrongs you? Really, it's on them, not you. It's their problem. Their karma, if you will. You can go around giving these people a piece of your mind, but if you're anything like me, you need your entire brain to live the richest possible life you can. Why give those situations and those folks your valuable energy and time?
Right always wins out in the end any way. Always has. Always will. Truth is truth and nothing can ever change that. I've lived long enough now that I know that from personal experience. There have been a couple of instances where it literally took decades, but I was finally completely vindicated. And you know what? I had a fleeting thought of, "Oh, that's nice." But it meant little to me, because I had moved on with my life and what seemed so huge at the time just didn't matter anymore.
Susan
As you fulfill your destiny, there will be plenty of distractions along the way. A business associate reneges on a deal. A false friend betrays you. A vow is broken. Money owed you never materializes. Gossip is spread. Wrong, wrong, wrong. You become angry and hurt and indignant, and you are completely entitled to feel those emotions. And it's perfectly fine to set people straight; to stand up for yourself. To assess the situation to see if you did anything to help contribute toward it, so you won't make that same mistake again. But at some point you need to move on, to get past it as best you can and concentrate on what is really important. Someone wrongs you? Really, it's on them, not you. It's their problem. Their karma, if you will. You can go around giving these people a piece of your mind, but if you're anything like me, you need your entire brain to live the richest possible life you can. Why give those situations and those folks your valuable energy and time?
Right always wins out in the end any way. Always has. Always will. Truth is truth and nothing can ever change that. I've lived long enough now that I know that from personal experience. There have been a couple of instances where it literally took decades, but I was finally completely vindicated. And you know what? I had a fleeting thought of, "Oh, that's nice." But it meant little to me, because I had moved on with my life and what seemed so huge at the time just didn't matter anymore.
Susan
Thursday, October 28, 2010
You Can't Handle the Truth
"I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell." Harry Truman
Recently a friend confronted me. I hate confrontation and drama and will do almost anything to avoid it. But I've learned through painful experience that sometimes you must face it and deal with it. There are times when avoiding it only causes more problems. She verbally attacked me and I calmly and quietly gave her my point of view. I told her the truth. My words and tone were not harsh, and frankly I held quite a bit back because I wanted to communicate truthfully but not hurtfully. She concluded that I am not her friend (in fact, have never been her friend) and that I am cruel. It would have been easier to just have lied to her, telling her what she wanted to hear.
The truth does hurt sometimes. I personally am at a place where I want the truth in all areas of my life. I am leaving myself wide open there, because what I need to hear is not going to always be pleasant. I hope I have the grace to hear the truth, and the courage to heed it.
Susan
Recently a friend confronted me. I hate confrontation and drama and will do almost anything to avoid it. But I've learned through painful experience that sometimes you must face it and deal with it. There are times when avoiding it only causes more problems. She verbally attacked me and I calmly and quietly gave her my point of view. I told her the truth. My words and tone were not harsh, and frankly I held quite a bit back because I wanted to communicate truthfully but not hurtfully. She concluded that I am not her friend (in fact, have never been her friend) and that I am cruel. It would have been easier to just have lied to her, telling her what she wanted to hear.
The truth does hurt sometimes. I personally am at a place where I want the truth in all areas of my life. I am leaving myself wide open there, because what I need to hear is not going to always be pleasant. I hope I have the grace to hear the truth, and the courage to heed it.
Susan
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