I Can Save Myself

The knight in shining armor, preferably on a white horse, is a beautiful fantasy. There's nothing wrong with a lady being rescued by a brave knight. The strength of a healthy egalitarian relationship, however, is sometimes he saves you and sometimes you save him. What a gift when your weakness speaks to your partner's strength.

There are certain situations where only you can save yourself. It's romantic to think of someone else slaying the dragons, but when it comes to things like addiction or abuse, you are the only one who can do it. Support, help and encouragement are all wonderful, but really it's all up to you.

Are you worth saving? For some folks who have never really stood up for themselves in a definitive way, they might answer "yes" but feel differently in their hearts. Low self-esteem can fuel addictive behaviors and abusive relationships. It can be scary and painful, but really it's a gift when life backs you into a corner, your self-preservation instinct kicks in and you save yourself.

I recently heard from a brave woman who distanced herself from her abusive parent. She said she didn't feel bad about it. Well, of course not. That's because there is nothing to feel guilty over, and her lack of guilt is her reward for having the guts to save herself. She chose herself over her abuser. It's really the only decision to make, absolutely the right thing to do, yet so many can't or won't do it. I look forward to seeing what kind of blessings she receives since she made the pivotal and powerful choice to save herself.

Susan

Choosing Love

"Do not seek the because. In love there is no because, no reason, no explanation, no solutions." Anaïs Nin

"We can't help who we fall in love with." She was defending a friend who had made a very poor choice in the type of man she is involved with romantically. I tend to agree that Cupid's arrows seem to fly in a somewhat random fashion. Now you can decide not to spend time with the person or live with him or marry him or have a child with him, so you have many choices to make. But sometimes love simply is. And a romantic relationship can be unhealthy and dysfunctional, but not for a lack of love.

Healthy parental love is unconditional. You love the child because he exists, because he is. Think for a moment of your family and friends, all the people you love. Now you certainly are able to readily enumerate all their great qualities. But you don't love them because they are wonderful. In fact, you are probably quite aware of their faults and shortcomings. The closer you are, the more intimately acquainted you are with their less lovable traits. You simply love them because they are and perhaps looking at them in a loving way you recognize more readily what makes them great.

Susan