Do you know the story of "Tootle" by Gertrude Crampton? Tootle was a baby locomotive who wanted to grow up to be a big locomotive and go very fast. I read the story of Tootle countless times, to the point where I had the words memorized. It was my pleasure to do so, to share in the joy of the story with that sweet little boy. "Tootle" was my older son's favorite book when he was two. Toddlers learn from repetition of favorite stories, and they also find comfort in those favorite books.
I think that some adults also find comfort in their favorite stories, but not necessarily those ones found in books. My friend graduated from university roughly fifteen years ago. Her father has been telling the story that he paid for her college education. He still tells that story. Problem is, he didn't. Well, to be fair, he did give her $300 her freshman year, but that is far from footing the bill. She has corrected him numerous times, but he still finds some odd comfort in telling the story. Maybe he has told it so many times that he actually believes it himself. Now I'm not here to debate whether or not a parent should help a child with college, although I think parents should do that. It's just strange that he would tell a story which is essentially nothing more than a lie. Perhaps you know someone like that, a person who rewrites history to further his own agenda.
But enough about other people. I have to wonder if there are stories that I've been telling myself for years, to the point where I have the words memorized. Is my history true, or have I taken liberties with it to paint myself in a better light? Is what I tell other people, and more importantly, what I tell myself, true?
Susan
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Friday, October 7, 2011
Quitting Time
"We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back on the right road. In that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive." C. S. Lewis
Those who know me would agree I am tenacious. I grab hold of something, and I don't let go. Add to my tenacity self-discipline and inner motivation, and I have overcome some serious obstacles in my life. These qualities have served me well on a number of occasions.
I think it's interesting how our greatest strengths can easily become our greatest weaknesses. In some cases, I have doggedly continued on down a road that was going no where. I used to be a person who hated failure, or to be more exact, I feared it. Quitters never win and winners never quit. Right? Well, not always. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to hoist up that white flag of surrender. The truly successful and fulfilled person has the wisdom to know when to continue, and when it is quitting time. I think my unwillingness to give up when something was obviously not working could be attributed to my own false sense of pride. It's perfectly okay and very normal to fail. There is no shame in admitting defeat. It's important to learn to do that, so precious time is not wasted traveling a road to no where.
There's a time to begin, a time to continue on, but let's not miss quitting time.
Susan
Those who know me would agree I am tenacious. I grab hold of something, and I don't let go. Add to my tenacity self-discipline and inner motivation, and I have overcome some serious obstacles in my life. These qualities have served me well on a number of occasions.
I think it's interesting how our greatest strengths can easily become our greatest weaknesses. In some cases, I have doggedly continued on down a road that was going no where. I used to be a person who hated failure, or to be more exact, I feared it. Quitters never win and winners never quit. Right? Well, not always. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to hoist up that white flag of surrender. The truly successful and fulfilled person has the wisdom to know when to continue, and when it is quitting time. I think my unwillingness to give up when something was obviously not working could be attributed to my own false sense of pride. It's perfectly okay and very normal to fail. There is no shame in admitting defeat. It's important to learn to do that, so precious time is not wasted traveling a road to no where.
There's a time to begin, a time to continue on, but let's not miss quitting time.
Susan
The Riddler
"He must be very ignorant, for he answers every question he is asked." Voltaire
I love super heroes, and Batman is my favorite, hands down. I don't know why I love him like I do. Who can explain love, really? It might be because the 1960's television series starring the very dashing Adam West was a favorite show of mine when I was a little girl. The villains in Batman are great, too. The Joker and Catwoman, and how about The Riddler? He wore that cool green onesie with the question marks all over it. He would warn Gotham City police and Batman ahead of time of his crimes, in the form of complex riddles. The Riddler is cool. And riddles are fun. But not in every day communication.
She loved to ask questions. It was her main form of communication. She tended to be passive aggressive. You know the type. Smiling sweetly on the outside, smoldering subterfuge on the inside. She was my family's version of the Riddler. She did it to everyone, so it wasn't just some weird dynamic between the two of us. I caught on early in our relationship that when she asked a question, she was actually making a statement. And it was up to everyone around her to figure out the complex riddle and give her what she wanted. It did not go well if you came up with the wrong answer to the riddle, either. Here's a classic example of how my Riddler operated, from the earliest days of our relationship. She never called me to chat, only if she wanted something.
(Landline phone pre-caller ID days. Phone rings: ding a ling a ling.)
Me: Hello.
Riddler: Do you guys have the flu? (whiny sad voice, no "hello" first)
Me: No. We are all healthy.
(Pause.)
Riddler: Oh.
(Another pause to allow me further time to solve the riddle)
Me: Do YOU have the flu?
Riddler: Yes! I have been so sick...
I know it can be difficult for some to ask for what they want or need. I know that some were raised in families where being direct was frowned upon. I know that women of this Riddler's generation can be a little coy and think it's feminine. I know. I know. I know. Over the years, I tired of the Riddler's game. And it is a game. So I began to answer her questions very simply. She became quite frustrated with me when I no longer played along. It was no great loss; there were plenty of other people for the Riddler to riddle.
My Riddler passed away a few years ago, but I still find myself stinging from the experience. I am a little overly sensitive, I suppose, to the passive aggressive riddles. It is a lot of work to try to put all the clues together, to read between the lines, to interpret tone of voice, to guess at what those Riddlers really want from me. When a Riddler starts to riddle me, maybe I should riddle her back with, "Is there something you want to say to me?"
And now I have a riddle for you. Why does Snoop Dogg need a raincoat?
Fer drizzle.
Susan
I love super heroes, and Batman is my favorite, hands down. I don't know why I love him like I do. Who can explain love, really? It might be because the 1960's television series starring the very dashing Adam West was a favorite show of mine when I was a little girl. The villains in Batman are great, too. The Joker and Catwoman, and how about The Riddler? He wore that cool green onesie with the question marks all over it. He would warn Gotham City police and Batman ahead of time of his crimes, in the form of complex riddles. The Riddler is cool. And riddles are fun. But not in every day communication.
She loved to ask questions. It was her main form of communication. She tended to be passive aggressive. You know the type. Smiling sweetly on the outside, smoldering subterfuge on the inside. She was my family's version of the Riddler. She did it to everyone, so it wasn't just some weird dynamic between the two of us. I caught on early in our relationship that when she asked a question, she was actually making a statement. And it was up to everyone around her to figure out the complex riddle and give her what she wanted. It did not go well if you came up with the wrong answer to the riddle, either. Here's a classic example of how my Riddler operated, from the earliest days of our relationship. She never called me to chat, only if she wanted something.
(Landline phone pre-caller ID days. Phone rings: ding a ling a ling.)
Me: Hello.
Riddler: Do you guys have the flu? (whiny sad voice, no "hello" first)
Me: No. We are all healthy.
(Pause.)
Riddler: Oh.
(Another pause to allow me further time to solve the riddle)
Me: Do YOU have the flu?
Riddler: Yes! I have been so sick...
I know it can be difficult for some to ask for what they want or need. I know that some were raised in families where being direct was frowned upon. I know that women of this Riddler's generation can be a little coy and think it's feminine. I know. I know. I know. Over the years, I tired of the Riddler's game. And it is a game. So I began to answer her questions very simply. She became quite frustrated with me when I no longer played along. It was no great loss; there were plenty of other people for the Riddler to riddle.
My Riddler passed away a few years ago, but I still find myself stinging from the experience. I am a little overly sensitive, I suppose, to the passive aggressive riddles. It is a lot of work to try to put all the clues together, to read between the lines, to interpret tone of voice, to guess at what those Riddlers really want from me. When a Riddler starts to riddle me, maybe I should riddle her back with, "Is there something you want to say to me?"
And now I have a riddle for you. Why does Snoop Dogg need a raincoat?
Fer drizzle.
Susan
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Recalculating
She calls the woman's voice in her car's GPS "Thelma," as in the great buddy movie, "Thelma and Louise." I love all the new technology to get from Point A to Point B, in our computers, smart phones and the car. I would think this would contribute to a lower overall divorce rate since it eliminates the highly stressful scenario where one spouse drives and the other one sits with a map on the lap navigating. There may be some drivers who argue with Thelma, but that is a different story.
Make a wrong turn or miss an exit, and Thelma says, "Recalculating." Then she tells you what to do next to get back on course, cautioning you to make only lawful u-turns. Getting from Point A to Point B is not always a straight line. You have human error, detours, weather, and don't tell her I said this, but sometimes Thelma is wrong.
Recalculating. Being successful and happy in life requires flexibility and the ability to recalculate your route when needed. You think you have it all nailed down, and an unexpected illness, job loss or natural disaster makes you go off course for a while. Then it's time to recalculate. The thing is, you need to just keep going, keep on moving and sooner or later you get to Point B. Just don't be so focused on the destination that you don't enjoy the scenery along the way. Getting there should be half the fun.
Happy trails to you, and may all your u-turns be lawful.
Susan
Make a wrong turn or miss an exit, and Thelma says, "Recalculating." Then she tells you what to do next to get back on course, cautioning you to make only lawful u-turns. Getting from Point A to Point B is not always a straight line. You have human error, detours, weather, and don't tell her I said this, but sometimes Thelma is wrong.
Recalculating. Being successful and happy in life requires flexibility and the ability to recalculate your route when needed. You think you have it all nailed down, and an unexpected illness, job loss or natural disaster makes you go off course for a while. Then it's time to recalculate. The thing is, you need to just keep going, keep on moving and sooner or later you get to Point B. Just don't be so focused on the destination that you don't enjoy the scenery along the way. Getting there should be half the fun.
Happy trails to you, and may all your u-turns be lawful.
Susan
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Self Esteem
A UCLA researcher has discovered a gene she believes relates to optimism and self esteem. It's that old "nature vs nurture" debate. We humans are a combination of hard wiring and environment. It's not really nature vs nurture, but nature and nurture interacting with each other. That newborn baby enters this life as a complete package, but the important people in her life will certainly have an influence on her.
Are you, as Dexter Holland cleverly phrases it, a sucker with no self esteem? The obvious solution for the guy in the song is to simply break up with the girl who treats him so badly. A healthy self concept is something we can control, and it can start out in simple baby steps, by not allowing people to treat you badly.
So maybe the bad news is you don't have the gene for high self esteem and/or your parents didn't have a clue. But the good news is, you get to take it from here. You have control of your life, and how you feel about yourself doesn't rest in a gene or in your parents' hands. It's in your hands, how you feel about yourself, how you live your life, how you relate to other people. I know it works because I have done it. Not perfectly, but I have gone from low to medium to high self-esteem. I love the person I am. Can you truthfully say that about yourself? And if not, why not start today?
Susan
At What Price Peace?
"Even peace may be purchased at too high a price." Benjamin Franklin
She calls herself the peacemaker. The middle child of five, and the only girl, she is sandwiched on either side by brothers. The roles we learn to play as kids can carry over into adult life. She and her siblings are now in their 30's and 40's, but the roles are still the same. The eldest brother is the overachiever, the second is the rebel, she is the peacemaker, next is the one she calls the invisible one, and the baby is, well, the baby. With an aversion to drama and confrontation, she keeps the peace in almost every relationship in her life. With her siblings and her parents, her husband and colleagues at work. She smooths things over when she should be talking them out. She swallows her feelings when she should be speaking her mind. She mediates disputes when they are none of her business.
I will agree that peace is a wonderful thing. Peace (peace of mind) is in my opinion, life's greatest blessing. But at what price? As she approaches her 40th birthday, she suffers from a variety of stress-related illnesses. She eats well and exercises daily, but it seems that years of trying to keep the peace have exacted a very high price from her body. The chest pains that sent her to the emergency room were a wake up call for her.
The sad thing is, with all her peacemaking she has not made peace. Just because people aren't fighting and arguing, not using hurtful words, doesn't mean there is peace. If you have ever been in the same room with a quiet person who is silently seething, you know exactly what I mean. Peace is not the absence of conflict, but dealing with the conflict that is a natural part of life in a healthy way.
Susan
She calls herself the peacemaker. The middle child of five, and the only girl, she is sandwiched on either side by brothers. The roles we learn to play as kids can carry over into adult life. She and her siblings are now in their 30's and 40's, but the roles are still the same. The eldest brother is the overachiever, the second is the rebel, she is the peacemaker, next is the one she calls the invisible one, and the baby is, well, the baby. With an aversion to drama and confrontation, she keeps the peace in almost every relationship in her life. With her siblings and her parents, her husband and colleagues at work. She smooths things over when she should be talking them out. She swallows her feelings when she should be speaking her mind. She mediates disputes when they are none of her business.
I will agree that peace is a wonderful thing. Peace (peace of mind) is in my opinion, life's greatest blessing. But at what price? As she approaches her 40th birthday, she suffers from a variety of stress-related illnesses. She eats well and exercises daily, but it seems that years of trying to keep the peace have exacted a very high price from her body. The chest pains that sent her to the emergency room were a wake up call for her.
The sad thing is, with all her peacemaking she has not made peace. Just because people aren't fighting and arguing, not using hurtful words, doesn't mean there is peace. If you have ever been in the same room with a quiet person who is silently seething, you know exactly what I mean. Peace is not the absence of conflict, but dealing with the conflict that is a natural part of life in a healthy way.
Susan
Friday, September 23, 2011
Contentment or Complacency
"Being contented ought to mean in English, as it does in French, being pleased. Being content with an attic ought not to mean being unable to move from it and being resigned to live in it; it ought to mean appreciating all there is in such a position." Gilbert K. Chesterton
When I hear of one living in an attic, Anne Frank immediately comes to mind. Her famous diary gives us a glimpse into the soul of this remarkable teenager. One of my favorite quotes is from Miss Frank: "I don't think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains."
The secret to contentment is to be fully present in the moment, to savor life as it is today. Once you learn to be content (and it is a learning process) you ensure that no matter your circumstances, you will always be able to find happiness. But we must be careful not to allow contentment to turn into complacency. While we can appreciate all that the attic has to offer, we must never lower our expectations and be satisfied with living there permanently. There are grand things ahead for those of us willing to challenge ourselves, for those of us not content with the status quo.
Susan
When I hear of one living in an attic, Anne Frank immediately comes to mind. Her famous diary gives us a glimpse into the soul of this remarkable teenager. One of my favorite quotes is from Miss Frank: "I don't think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains."
The secret to contentment is to be fully present in the moment, to savor life as it is today. Once you learn to be content (and it is a learning process) you ensure that no matter your circumstances, you will always be able to find happiness. But we must be careful not to allow contentment to turn into complacency. While we can appreciate all that the attic has to offer, we must never lower our expectations and be satisfied with living there permanently. There are grand things ahead for those of us willing to challenge ourselves, for those of us not content with the status quo.
Susan
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